... you cant decide if you want to be with them anymore? They treated you like garbage for 5 years (controlling, possessive, constantly accusing of cheating, verbally abusive) but when you finally decided enough is enough and tried to leave 3 times, they finally changed for the better?

Thats my situation. He was extremely toxic for the first 5 years of our relationship. I literally lost all feelings for him over time and only stayed for our son, and because I'm financially dependent on him. Hes gotten better over the past 2 years (we are together almost 7 years), more specifically the last 4 months since the last time I tried to leave him. Hes seriously a completely different guy. He's almost changed his toxic behaviors completely so I would stay with him. But I just cannot for the life of me be attracted to him again or have any romantic feelings.

Hes a good person, and my whole family likes him. I know they would be disappointed if i left him. Sometimes i feel like I'm self-sabotaging myself and my son by wanting to leave him, because he IS a good guy and he's really fixed a lot for me and done a lot for me. But I can't stop thinking about leaving him still. I just feel like he stole the end of my childhood from me. We started dating when I was 15, so hes really all I know. It almost feels like I'm holding a grudge I can't let go of. And I can't decide what the best thing for me to do is.

Any advice? Anyone ever in a similar situation?