Where to begin..

***Edit added to beginning.. I ended this talking about the fact that we have been together two years and this is the first time he has ever spoken to me this way. To the individual who didn’t care to read that far and thinks I’ve just been allowing him to talk to me this way the whole time we’ve been together.

Also, he was not with his ex or cheating on her with me. She decided she wanted him back after attempts at other relationships didn’t work and was furious that he had moved on to a new relationship.

Thank you everybody for your input. It is appreciated and helps in such a difficult and hurtful time for me. ***

I’m honestly at a loss. I’m in shock. I still don’t want to believe that it happened. But the fact that I recorded some of it and woke up on the couch just lets me know that it’s true.

Last night while on our way home my SO told me to take a turn at the light. I assumed he was referring to the next light because we were literally at the light when he said it. All of a sudden he told me I was a dumb goofy bitch. I thought maybe he was joking and was so confused. Then he continued. Calling me an idiot. Telling me “I know it’s takes your dumb ass time to process but I gave you more than enough time to make that turn”.... well we were on a three lane road and I was in the lane all the way to the right... he was drunk and high so maybe what he thought was enough time wasn’t really.. continued to tell me I’m a goofy dumb bitch.. repeatedly.. Told me I make stupid choices and I should’ve been taken out a loan to fix the vehicle that his ex vandalized when she learned about my existence. Told me he should’ve never fucked with me and just kept fucking with her because then at least he’d have his vehicle. Then proceeded to say “I don’t even want to fuck your dumb ass because I don’t want to have a kid (Mind you we’ve been trying to carry since early 2020.. experienced a miscarriage in July 2020 and have decided to try again since). Don’t come to me unless you have a condom. Actually you won’t even see this dick until my vehicle gets fixed”. Then told me “I got a bitch in my phone right now sending me pictures of her bank account and saying all I have to do is leave your goofy ass and she’ll fix my shit. I should take her up on that offer. As a matter of fact fuck you. You’re canceled. I’m about to use this bitch to get my vehicle fixed and then cancel her ass too”. It didn’t stop. He just kept going. When we got home he was loudly continuing with his words. Neighbors were outside and I was getting so nervous and embarrassed. I asked him to stop but he wouldn’t. Said “this is what everybody wants. Everybody wants the asshole version of me. I’m not nice. I’ve told you I’m not nice. I choose to be nice. Well I’m done. I’m going to treat you like all these other bitches”. He told me he’d treat me that way until I earned his respect and I was so confused because I’ve never done anything to disrespect him or lose his respect. He attempted to lock me out of our apartment. Bolted it shut so I couldn’t get in and told me to find somewhere else for the night. Then opened the door to try to throw my work stuff at me. I went back inside. He told me not to go to the room or he’d slap the life out of me. I told him it’s my room and if I need to go in there I will. So he stood in the hall outside the room door and shut it. Then laughed and said “go ahead. Open it even when I’m not in there and see what happens”. So I opened it. I wasn’t going to let him threaten me in my own home! He didn’t do anything. He ended up on the phone with his daughter. She was calling the both of us repeatedly trying to get in contact with him. I told him she was calling so he eventually called her back. While I was standing in the doorway he suddenly shifted towards me while she was talking and said I have two weeks to get shit figured out and leave so I better start making calls and figuring it out. I told him that just because he didn’t want to be in a relationship didn’t mean he had to talk to me that way. He got annoyed because his daughter was on the phone and could hear and tried cutting me off and told her he’d call her back. Proceeded to call me a goofy dumb bitch and whatever else he said. My best friend ended up calling me repeatedly because she was worried because I told her I really needed to talk to her and she had to abruptly end the call because her daughter got home and said she’d call right back. I went back to my car to talk to her and he called me saying “top lock is locked. Find somewhere else to sleep for the night” then hung up. He called me back and said “actually you’re not from here. I am. I’ll go for the night.” Then hung up. Then called back and said “when are you coming back. I want to lock the door so I can sleep. I’ll leave a pillow and blankets on the couch for you”. I ended up going back inside to shower. While showering he text me. Told me he’s having a break down because of everything going on in his life right now and apologized for disrespecting me. I never responded. Didn’t even open the text. Went in the room and grabbed my pillow and a few throw blankets and proceeded to sleep on the couch which is definitely not meant for sleeping on overnight. I’m in so much pain right now and could barely sleep. I still can’t believe it. In two years he has NEVER spoken to me that way. I don’t care if you’re drunk, high, going through something mentally and in pain due to a dental issue.. that’s no excuse to treat somebody you claim to love and care about that way... idk. This is so unexpected and I’m so torn and hurt.