Honestly I suffer badly from anxiety so I’m not in the right headspace to be called crazy right now, just looking for support or just venting my feelings.

My fiancé/father of my baby, went out to the bar tonight, and it’s just not sitting right with me for 2 reasons. (Please keep in mind, social distancing is enforced, masks stay on, and we are in an area with minimal cases as is)

1.) he invited me, extremely last minute, and I couldn’t get a babysitter. He knew about this I gave him the OK to go, under the condition that he text me every so often, just to make sure he was ok, and what not. Come to find out he already agreed to going regardless. He already confirmed and decided before even mentioning it at all. So that rubbed me in the the wrong.

2.) he comes home, an hour after he said he’d be back, and immediately goes to bed. So that irked me and now I’m having anxiety about the whole thing. Like, you spend the entire evening and night away from me, and don’t even wanna talk to me for 5 minutes about how your night was, or say anything other than/more than “hey *kiss on forehead* going to bed, night” ?

I don’t know what is wrong with me honestly. I trust him, I don’t trust other girls sometimes, but I trust him. This is just sitting heavy on my chest for some stupid reason. Don’t know why I feel like I’m going to spiral into an anxiety attack over this. I guess my mental health and own self esteem really. I had the baby a year ago and I still don’t love myself like I should, and I guess it’s just the thought of “what if he’s thinking about other women” or “he probably thinks she looks so much better than me”

I guess I just feel like my postpartum anxiety and depression has ruined me, this just honestly sucks. I feel like a burden. I feel like he’s only staying with me for our baby or something because honestly I am not that attractive, and I don’t have my best body anymore, and my house isn’t spotless, and we only have sex like once a week (conflicting schedules, tiredness, etc) I am even annoyed with my own self thinking like this. I guess I just need to be talked back down to reality.