Giving up birth plan?

Question

Since I was a kid I’ve always wanted a home birth. I’ve watched so many documentaries and birth vlogs and I just think a home birth is right for me for many personal reasons. My husband is 100% against it. Both his mom and step mom had emergency c-sections so I get where he is coming from. We are normally able to compromise fairly easily but this is something we just can’t settle on. I’ve sent him tons of information that he is read but he is not budging. I’ve also tried to understand his point of view and that he doesn’t want anything to happen to me or our son but I’m just so stuck on home birth I feel like we won’t be able to reach a mutual decision. We also just moved 5 minutes away from the hospital so I just am struggling. I only have a few more weeks to ”decide” because at my next midwife appointment they want to choose the birth place.. The midwives have hospital privileges so I can still have her at the hospital but I just don’t want to. I’ve always just pictured myself labouring and delivering at home.
Any advice? Anyone else in a similar position?
EDIT: not looking to debate hospital vs home birth, looking for ways to compromise with my husband on our birth plan.

Answer

I honestly dont think you should have to compromise what you want for YOUR body. during the birthing process to make him happy. Yes he is the father however there are tons of studies on the decreased usage of medical interventions on mothers that are comfortable and confident in their birthing environments. Just because they had emergency csections does not put you at risk for having one. Having a birth at a hospital with intervention happy doctors puts you at a higher risk. Id honestly stick to my guns, put my foot down, and tell him that thats what is happening. You can respect his decision without needing to agree to it. More power to you momma! I wish i could have a home birth too!

Answer

This is how my husband and I were. So, we decided that I would have the first baby at the hospital and then if everything went ok, we’d discuss homebirth. Personally, I regretted that decision. The hospital made me very uncomfortable and even though I had arrived at hospital dilated at about a 7, I started to stall and they pushed a lot of interventions which went badly. In the end, we were healthy which I suppose is the most important thing, but the birth itself felt traumatic to me. Second child, because the first birth did not go well, and we lived far away from the hospital, I agreed on hospital birth again. Luckily, I had the baby in the car. I remember feeling a tremendous amount of relief when I realized I was going to have the baby in the car and no doctors or anyone else. That birth went really well for me. This is third baby, and I’m having it at home. Watching me go through all that, my husband now agrees it’s the best choice for us. This won’t necessarily happen to you, you may have a great hospital birth if that’s what you decide. But I thought I’d share since this was our experience when we disagreed. If you guys live 5 minutes away, I think you guys can have a very very safe home birth.

Answer

This is probably one of those things where a compromise just isn’t going to happen. One of you is going to get your way and the other one is not. In the end, when it comes to birth, your decision is the final one.

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What about a birth center? They have homelike environments & are covered by midwives/doulas, but they know what to look out for in case you end up needing a transfer to the hospital.

Answer

My hospital advertises “home birth at the hospital.” So we were in the hospital, but it was very low intervention. When you went in, theyd monitor you for an hour, make sure you were stable and progressing appropriately for “low intervention birth” and then they’d room you. The nurses only came when if called, I wasn’t required to be on monitors or have an IV, they had birthing tubs, yoga balls, birthing stools etc. so I had planned on doing all that. But you can’t really plan labor and delivery so my plan all went out the window. My baby was sitting on her cord funny I could only be in certain positions (standing, laying on my sides) with out causing issues. I had to be on monitors and I had to get an IV. I was very grateful that those were more than accessible. 
See if you hospital will let you decline some things so you can try to keep things as natural and “home birth like” as possible while still being in a hospital.

Answer

Is he allowed to go to an appointment with you so he could speak to a midwife and bring up the issues that are bothering him? Or video chat with one (my husband can’t come to appointments).
Or you can just labor at home long enough until it’s too late (sarcasm font).

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I believe parenting choices are 50/50 but when it comes to labour and delivery it’s 100% mom’s preferences and dads job to shut up and be supportive 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

I’m creating a birth plan for home birth, birth center birth, and hospital birth (vaginal and c-section). That way I can still have some control and a better experience no matter how birth ends up.
My mom had a vaginal hospital birth, a false emergency c-section (the doctor mistakenly thought the placenta was blocking the birth canal and told my mom if she didn’t have a c-section her baby would die - this was false, his head was in the birth canal when they did the surgery), and a VBAC home birth with me. She said if she could do it all over again, she’d have had us all at home, it was her best experience by far. 
If he’s not willing to try a home birth, what about birth center? That way you have more of the comforts of a home-like birth experience but you’ll likely be within a few minutes of a hospital with easy transfer if it becomes necessary. 
Midwives are excellent at what they do, an experienced midwife is prepared for a wide variety of potential issues, including breach birth, cord complications, they often have pain relief options like nitrous, they have pitocin, they have the equipment necessary for most complications. A midwife can also identify issues that would require a hospital transfer before it becomes absolutely necessary. 
Do problems occur? Yes, they can. But the maternal and infant death rate is higher in a hospital than in a birth center or at home.

Answer

Will insurance cover anything if you have a home birth? Our first child’s birth cost nearly $100K and our second was $75K, neither of which we had to pay. Our son was born with breathing difficulties and needed intervention. Our daughter needed the NICU and we only knew that because of a blood test that can only be done at a hospital. 
I understand wanting what you imagined, but sometimes those dreams don’t come true. I imagined a water birth. Didn’t happen. I imagined being conscious. Didn’t happen. I can’t imagine the pain if something were to happen to my child because I insisted on delivering at home. I cannot imagine the pain my husband would endure if something were to happen to me and/or our child because I insisted on delivering where he wasn’t comfortable. 
Many hospitals have rooms that don’t feel like a hospital. If the hospital supports midwifery, they likely support a lot of what you like about home birth. I would make a list of what those aspects are (tub, no IV, movement, positioning, lighting, eating, etc) and talk to your midwife about how to make some of those wishes a reality in a hospital setting.

Answer

Someone just posted about how they lost their first baby to a home birth the other day. If you’re not both on board with a home birth, I’d let him win here. I can’t imagine overcoming that situation if he didn’t agree with not having emergency measures available, in the first place. I also had a sibling almost die in childbirth. He absolutely would have if they hadn’t been in the hospital. It was unexpected and a perfectly healthy pregnancy. You just never know what can happen.

Giving up birth plan?

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