2020 wreaked havoc on me. 2021 has been TEN TIMES WORSE. I have a lot of reasons to be angry but I can’t let myself be angry because a me, that is living her life angry.. is not a person anyone wants to meet. I will end up in prison. The anger is still there though, like a well I can tap into. I figured that out recently because my boyfriend told me to fight his MMA fighter brother.

Y’all think that’s a damn joke. But it’s not. He beat me down multiple times and not only did I enjoy it, I got back up and fought over and over and over until I FINALLY got him down. I got him down ONCE for 2 seconds but I did it. He was teaching me, all the times he beat me it was to teach me how to fight. I was scared at first like you want me to fight.. your MMA fighter brother? Ummm.

And he was like “you know all that rage you have stored away like a box in a closet. Get that anger out.” I said what the fuck? No.

He literally brought up every painful thing that has happened to me in the last year and this year so far, jabbing at it like it was a joke and I swear from belly up I felt that anger. Every ounce of absolute pure anger and rage I have felt came up to the surface and I happily ran at a MMA fighter, got dropped like 10 times but enjoyed that shit, was literally screaming while fighting him. I swear to god I saw red. I zeroed in on his brother and ran at him and got DROPPED LOL. but it felt GREAT. Getting up after falling is what felt good.

Afterwards I had a rush of... euphoria. I took a nap when we got home, slept like a baby. I felt so good.

People say violence is wrong but controlled violence with rules and boxing gloves with a person you are not directly angry at is probably the single most healthiest thing I have done for myself.

And oh god yes I’m sore. I’m going to sign up for something like that to get anger out.

And no I’m not trying to say I’m a badass. I think the one and single reason I was able to take that man down for a few seconds is because I was so fucking mad and moving fast. I do not think he expected me to do any of this or to even be able to do any of it. I didn’t think i was capable either, I’m small. I think I took him by surprise, he was 100% consenting to this though lol