How do you get through accepting a hospital delivery ?

Question

Last pregnancy, I literally dreamt about delivering with my midwife at a birth center.  I craved it with my whole soul.  I loved their support groups and just felt very fulfilled spending time there during my pregnancy.  Instead of delivering there though, my placenta abrupted at 33+4 and I had an emergency delivery in hospital.  
This pregnancy, my midwives initially told me that, with co care, I could still work towards delivering with them.  I could still attend their birth classes, support groups and etc.  I was thrilled.   I set up an appointment with the OB they recommended, we did a group appointment which included the midwife, ob, and an mfm, and was told to set up an appointment with the midwife at 14 weeks.  I had an ultrasound at the birth center at 6+2 to confirm dates and my chart was started there.
When I called the birth center to schedule my appointment though, they put me on hold for quite a while before coming back and saying “Ashley would really like you to see the OB first and then maybe we’ll see you in third trimester if things are going well.”
I’m so disappointed.  I understand their reasoning for not committing to my delivering there but I feel kind of betrayed by the promises they made (of being able to attend classes and see the midwives) only to walk back on before I even have my official Ob appointment.  
I really don’t think I want to establish care with the OB (who is amazing btw) only to turn around and switch it up in third trimester with a midwife I don’t know as I would be using a different midwife than I did last pregnancy (one had covid and retired after that and the other will be out on maternity leave when I’m due).  
That means I really need to accept giving birth at a hospital again and giving up all hopes of my peaceful birth center birth.  
How do you work through this?  How do you resign yourself to it and make the best of it?  We aren’t allowed doulas right now (only one birth partner and that will be my SO).  I have had 3 natural hospital deliveries but felt like I was fighting against nurses and hospital “policy” the entire labor and deliveries.  I HATED moving rooms, triage, labor and delivery, recovery.  Dad will also be required to have a negative covid test before joining me and last time, I had a precipitous delivery which means he could end up missing it (AGAIN 😳)

Answer

I’ve been dealing with pretty much the same fears. Everyone keeps asking me “are you nervous about child birth”and I always say “no I’m nervous to go to the hospital”. In my area the birth centers aren’t as established as I would hope and they aren’t affiliated with hospitals (or even close to them). So I didn’t feel comfortable delivering there. 
I’m at 37 weeks. My doctor has signed off on my natural birth plan but I can tell she is really hedging on some issues. She explained in detail when vacuum delivery is necessary which makes me feel like she prepping me for interventions. 
I spoke with her about declining the hospital admissions cervical exam and she literally told me “no” and when I asked her why said “hospital policy”. When I asked for the medical reason she just said “I won’t manage a labor without that baseline information”. And I tested positive for GBS which signs me up for being tethered to an IV. 
I’m talking to a therapist and a doula and running tons of scenarios by my husband to prep him for how to advocate for me. 
It’s a shame how difficult hospitals make it to have simple wishes honored. And every time I see someone post “my doctor told me I have to...” I cringe and wonder if they know they have a right to refuse. Doctors are used to women doing what they are told and not questioning even when their suggestions are not evidence based or are solely for their own convenience.

Answer

You are high risk. This is why you were turned down. I am sorry they even gave you false hope in the first place. 
But typically a birth center will not take on anyone high risk. This is why they have such good stats on natural births. They filter out pretty much anyone that could be high risk. But that's a good thing because it means they are being responsible. 
For the hospital, create a birth plan. Have copies, hand it out to everyone. Get to know your OB and have them and your husband be your advocate. 
See if you can get a midwife to do your hospital birth? This could be a good compromise (this is what I did. Not because I was high risk, but because they completely shut down the birth center once COVID hit). 
Also if you have multiple hospitals in your area, see which one is more friendly and open to following birth plans and such

Answer

My situation is a bit different, since rather than being in a high risk situation, I live in a country that doesn't allow midwives or birth centers, and home births are illegal, even most hospitals won't allow doulas, with those that do frowning upon them.  But long before I was pregnant with my first I dreamed of a natural home birth or birth center birth.  I'm not a fan of medicating birth unless necessary, but here it's basically a medical occassion in the hospital and the doctors/nurses aren't always the most cooperative bunch in doing what you say.  My first go around I chose outright defiance.  I wanted to labor with either my husband or my mom, preferably both, well, my mom couldn't come, since we live in a different country and she didn't get her passport in time, and the hospital wouldn't allow my husband into the labor and delivery ward, only my final room for recovery.  Thus I waited literally until I was in transition before going to the hospital, we literally had to call an ambulance because I was feeling the urge to push, then baby was born within fifteen minutes of arriving, though they still somehow managed to shove three, yes THREE, useless hep locks into my arms in that narrow time interval as if I wasn't in enough torment.
My second, I went in just after my due date with an excruciating headache and no labor symptoms, at which point they gave me a bit of pain killer that didn't work and focussed on trying to document my baby as much as possible, followed by giving me an induction date . . . I went in again the day before the "induction date" with contractions, but not progressing, so I went back home.  Then I went into natural labor early the morning of the day they wanted to try to induce me.
Both times I refused all interventions aside from vitamin k for my son due to him getting circumcised and I got a lot of questions and confirmations because it's somewhat strange here for people to not blindly go along with whatever they say. But my biggest takeaway is to be firm and clear about your desires.  My experience was much better going in earlier and establishing that I didn't want any interventions and to just leave me be and let me do my thing the second time around.  It still sucks that I can't have that moment with the people I'm close to or in the exact way that I want, but it's at least a little more bearable.
I also second finding a more cooperative staff and hospital atmosphere big you can. That's just not really an option for me given that the cost of giving birth at a private hospital where I would get those amenities is at least four times more than the public hospital I birthed at previously.

Answer

So sorry you are going through this! I get through things by being thankful and thinking that it could be divine intervention. You don’t know what could have been. Maybe this is the best possible scenario for you and your baby. I was so upset when they almost forced me to be induced on my due date. But after fighting it emotionally and contemplating what to do I came to a place of peace and gave thanks. It ended up that my parents who had come from Ethiopia were able to witness the birth of my daughter. If I had waited Covid restrictions hit the hospitals as I was leaving with my little girl and my parents who had come so far would not have been permitted in the hospital with me. They were such great support and comfort so I’m thankful. Trust that He has a plan for you and your little one and try to find that place of peace. It’s hard! I know! But so worth it!

How do you get through accepting a hospital delivery ?

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