Rant time:

W-O-W. My 1 year boyfriend (who I don’t live with) came back from being underway (navy) for a month and chose violence against our relationship. Apparently he wants to use my choices I’ve made and throw them all against me, then tell me he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore after spending an amazing week on leave with me before he left, and now suddenly he comes home and it’s “I’ve been unhappy with you for months” out of the fucking blue. I was so excited for him to come home and he crushed the happiness I had building up for weeks, in mere seconds. This came out of NOWHERE, and I cannot stress that enough. He is normally a loving, kind, amazing boyfriend, then suddenly he’s not. His family also hasn’t heard from him much according to his mom. He was very brief with talking to her, and called his dad to tell him he was home, that’s it. He’s shutting literally everyone out and we’re all freaking out wondering what the fuck happened to him. This isn’t him.

This is what he gave me:

1) I’m 21 and in December I decided to quit my job as a night shift barista for my own mental health (sleeping literally 15 hours at a time), didn’t have a job lined up, knew I HAD MONEY TO HOLD ME OVER UNTIL I FOUND A NEW JOB (which I now do Instacart) and didn’t discuss it with him before I quit. So he’s mad at me and thinks that dictates my ENTIRE PERSONALITY. He thinks if we move in together, I’m going to throw my job away if I don’t like it without discussing with him first, and become some stupid dependa. I have 2 bills to pay: My car and phone. I don’t need a fucking job that’s mentally draining the shit out of me when I can do Instacart, make make my own hours, and earn enough to get me by. I’m happier doing this.

2) I joke about marriage too much when he’s the one who joked about it first literally mere weeks within dating, then made it into a game (adding 20 years every time I brought it up), so I decided to see how many years I could wrack up FOR FUN when he was on leave for a week. Didn’t have a problem with it then, has a problem with it now. He also scolded me when I joked about taking his last name online in the comments with someone I’m friends with. I’ve literally said it to his face before and he laughed.

3) I blew up on him while he was ported in San Diego. I was trying to COMMUNICATE that I was frustrated and stressing out because NEWS ALERT, there’s no fucking handbook on how new military girlfriend’s are supposed to deal with their navy boyfriend’s first long underway. It was the first time he was gone long term IN OUR RELATIONSHIP! I didn’t take it well, and I fucking regret blowing up like I did. I was apologizing PROFUSELY.

4) Apparently he now hates how I view the world? He thinks “I need to be financially stable enough to never worry about anything again” while I’m in the mindset of “anything could happen, you’re never going to be financially comfortable in this economy.” Apparently my view is wrong because it’s not his, and he’s using that as a reason he’s now “unhappy” with me.

5) He was going on about how he’s found his path in life, how he loves the navy, he would do it all again if he could, and plans on being in it for 20 years. I told him that was amazing and I’m happy he found his path so early in life. I said I wanted to be behind him for that because I want to support him, and I love him. He’s upset I haven’t figured out my own path. I’m 21, I’m not supposed to have my whole life figured out. I barley know what I want to do as a career. He was fine and supportive with it before, and now he’s going off about me being too “carefree” and “not caring about my future”. He’s worried I’m going to become his dependa, when you have to be MARRIED FOR THAT. He thinks I’m taking the easy way out. He has FULL CONTROL over that part and is obviously not ready, I’m not either. He’s viewing me in a negative disgusting way, accusing me of using him and telling me I’m only dating him he because “I don’t want to be single”. We started dating a month after I got out of a 6 year relationship where my abusive ex boyfriend cheated on me (I was long done with the relationship beforehand). Him and I SAT DOWN AND DISCUSSED a relationship, and both agreed we wanted this together; I didn’t fucking force him into it. He knew what I just got out of, we were friends before dating, and he 100% supported me and knew what was happening in my current situation.

It is 100% ok he wants me to mentally help myself because I agreed. I’ve been actively working on it since he’s been gone (which I was going to tell him before he blew up). What isn’t ok is to verbally attack me, thinking you’re not doing anything wrong, then not listening to me when I’m trying to tell you to calm down and communicate with me so this random fight doesn’t worsen further. He’s doing this to himself while I’m trying to work with him. He’s sabotaging the relationship and for what? I don’t fucking get it.