I'm not sure which one it is, but ever since I was younger time to time I would wake up with my heart pounding, hyperventilating, shaking, and feeling heavy and lightheaded all at once. I'm 22 now. Every time this would happened I'd go wake my mom up even if it was 1am. She would just sit with me and if I wanted to talk about anything, we would talk. We never quite figured out why this happens.

Anyway, this is the first time in a year that it has happened and the first time it has happened since I moved away. It was really hard to calm myself down and took nearly 30 minutes of staring at one spot just breathing. I felt so close to passing out, but I didn't and I can't help but be a little proud of myself.

Some people think that I have past trauma and I have nightmares that I don't remember. I guess I could, but I grew up very sheltered in a very Christian home so I doubt it. The only traumatizing things that have happened in my life is my birth (both my mom and I almost died, her appendix was going to burst), but all births are traumatic so I dont think that's it. The other thing is from when my sister became very abusive towards me in my late teenage years, but these attacks have been going on since I was probably 9 so I dont think that's it either. One of these days I'm going to get around to going to therapy and get it figured out