Anyone else feel overwhelmed in pregnancy communities?

Question

So I'm new around here, but I've been part of a couple of infertility support communities for a good part of our 4 year struggle.  I've stayed away from TTC groups because I couldn't stand the baby dust and baby dance and all that stuff.  Now I find myself in the early weeks of pregnancy and I move here.  But I find my due date group totally overwhelming.  I have a hard time understanding the constant peeing in sticks every day (just go get blood and be done with it), hearing people hoping for specific genders, telling everyone on Facebook already, planning their gender reveal parties, discussing syptoms before implantation should even have occurred.  It's just so much.  Is it normal to feel totally on the outside?  I don't want to be the downer in the group.  I'm sure once we hear a heartbeat I'll feel a little better.  Ugh...

Answer

I completely agree! I think going through infertility and two mc like I have definitely changes your outlook on what's important in pregnancy. Sometimes I stay away from certain groups where sometimes I just read them for how rediculous they are.

What also REALLY makes me upset is when ladies complain about how terrible they feel or have "gender dissapointment". God gave you a baby.....be thankful for it! There are thousands of women who can't have babies and would die to feel like you're feeling right now because you're pregnant...and it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl!

Answer

I agree 100%. We struggled with infertility for 12 years and I have never been a part of any message board. I also find them very overwhelming and so frustrating. So many of the women have no idea how much they take for granted. I feel the same way about groups of women in real life. I was at a party a few weeks ago with many pregnant women and just could not bring myself to join their conversations. I was excluded from that part of womanhood for so long I no longer feel compelled to join "the club."

I am having twins and I have to say that the women on the multiples boards are often very mean and condescending, especially if someone carrying "only" one baby happens to comment on their posts. I'm very picky about what I read and especially what I comment on.

Congratulations and don't let any of this bring you down. Your having a baby!!!

Answer

Agreed!! I deleted glow on multiple occasions during our years of trying because I couldn't stand all the petty stuff going around on the website. It made me so much more anxious. I find some stuff helpful in my group now but I agree with you and feel that (*some) women and couples that did not struggle with infertility do fully appreciate or understand (for a lack of better words) what we've have all been through and what a miracle it is to even have a positive pregnancy test.

Answer

I agree completely. The lingo baby dance, dust, or even rainbow baby never sat well with me (just my own personal preference, no offense meant to anyone who uses these terms). After just a couple weeks on the pregnancy boards, I've become pretty selective in which posts I read and I try to ignore the rest. It really seems to help me. (Tip; stay away from anything titled Ramzi, nub theory, or harmony, ha). I do think the groups can be a great tool for connecting, but certainly skim and realize some of the large general groups may not be a good fit but it is a place to meet smaller groups of people with whom you have common views, etc. Congratulations and good luck. :)

Answer

Hey! I feel similarly. I feel I'll never be able to enjoy pregnancy because all I know is loss (2 lost pregnancies: singleton and Twins). It's hard to read or hear about people who overthink and obsess about everything when people like us have to cope and survive one day at a time. I just found out I'm carrying twins (5w4d) but I have a chromosome disorder (they say I'm a balanced translocation. I actually have an inverted chromosome 2). It's likely I lose both of these babies too, but there's a slim change One or both would survive. The fear can be paralyzing. It's hard to deal with others that either take it for granted or have no idea what they could suffer through. 💗

Answer

Um I agree with some of what you said that we can tend to feel left out however I had infertility n had iuis to get pregnant n I did experience gender dissapointment non the less. Actually more so then would your average women who could have as many kids as wanted. I was dying for a daughter having a son and yes greatful but I don't like when people try to make it out as if gender dissapointment is wrong it's totally normal and common.  That being said 
I can understand why you wouldn't want to announce early I waited till 17 weeks but yeah like your average women that got pregnant naturally wil not be as paranoid as we will. Congrats on your pregnancy

Answer

Agreed. The infertility groups tend to be more realistic and welcoming. It's nice to see and nice not to feel so alone all the time. Sometimes I feel like nobody else gets it. I'm not mad or bitter at anyone that hasn't been through the struggle just lonely I guess.

Answer

I can definitely understand where you're coming from. Sometimes I feel like I could make a movie or at least a board game out of the ridiculousness I'm seeing. This is my 3rd time being pregnant (no actual births) and every board seems to have the same cliche threads. I also don't get baby dancing. I know I had IVF, which completely desexualizes the whole experience, but I can't understand why you would willingly turn sex into something so unsexy. Then they wonder why their husbands/partners don't want to have sex. Don't even get me started on the ladies who have purchased every baby gadget and planned elaborate parties and announcements within a week of the positive pregnancy test. I'm so nervous I might just wait for it to be born...lol.

Answer

I agree!  We are pregnant for the third after TTC for three years and have two mc.  I have been involved with a fertility support for 7 months and become the host 5 months ago.  I joined a "secret fb page" for sept. Pregnancies and left because I couldn't stand all of the questions / posts and women trying to self-diagnosis themsleves.  I have always told the women in my group, you can't assume what worked for someone else will work for you, and you need to speak to your RE.  I guess the infertility process has made me hard, but it's just reality.  I just feel really out of place with women who haven't struggled like me to get pregnant.

Answer

lindsey, i think it is normsl. you went thru so much trouble to get pregnant and you feel anxious probably thinking is it goin to be a full term preg.  everythjnh will work out. baby dust and baby dance terms dont bother me. i think it is good to be happy for others. once u hear the heartbeat you will be telling everyone as well just like the ladies who got preg first try

Anyone else feel overwhelmed in pregnancy communities?

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