Dealing & accepting a miscarriage
It's been 8 days since I was told my baby no longer had a heartbeat. I was sent home last Monday 9/15 & told my body would take care of the miscarriage naturally. I couldn't control my tears or the pain I felt knowing I could walk around for the next 2 weeks or possibly 2 months for the miscarriage to take place on its own. The very next day I was still uncontrollably crying because in my heart I had lost a child. I called y OB office & asked for more options. I opted for the pills to jumpstart the process. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. It's true how alone you feel. People act like it's no big deal. They say such ignorant things... Like... "You can try again, you are young. Maybe it will be the right baby the next time." I go back to my OB this morning I'm guessing to make sure my body passed everything it should have. That alone is terrifying because I don't want to see my body empty inside but in a way I need the closure. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go back to work to pretend like my life is moving forward 'as it should' how ridiculous! On top of another lady I work with was 3 wks ahead of me with her pregnancy. I feel like watching her progress may be agony because I'm already broken inside longing for the child I will never hold or know. I'm angry, I'm heartbroken, I'm sad, I can't sleep. I was 8 wks along but only measured 6wks 4days. We had a strong heartbeat at the 1st US 132bpm. I have a 6 1/2yr old highly intelligent little boy who is hurt and grieving this loss as well. My family was very invested. Its so hard to understand why such joy is taken from you. I have prayed for acceptance, NOT understanding... I know I will never understand. I'm posting this because no one spills their heart about the pain & grieve loosing their pregnancy causes. Ladies, you aren't alone. Pray. And pray again. Cry, it's ok to cry for your child. Selfish as it may seem, it's nice that god is taking care of my baby but I surely wanted to meet him or her and experience his or her little personality. I hope someone reads this and gets some relief in knowing they aren't alone missing who they never got to meet.