MIL rant

Let me say, I know what it’s like to have horrible in laws. I am thankful that I actually have the opposite situation, she loves me and wants to help, it’s still very frustrating and I just need to vent. (Also this is long)

My MIL owns a house, about two blocks from my house. However, her husband is a contract doctor, so they do short term rentals around the state. I had her first grand baby about five months ago. (I have a daughter from a previous marriage that she loves, but this is the first grand baby where she’s been involved since birth).

She used to come to her house here maybe once a month, but after the baby was born, it was more frequently. She has a VERY overwhelming personality. When I was pregnant, she tried to get me to stop taking Zofran for nausea. She used to be a L&D and NICU nurse a long time ago, and acts more like a nurse towards us than a grandparent.

She does come more frequently, but a couple months ago, she came over and got very sick. We found out that her home was infested with mold and that is what made her so sick. She had to come to town for a doctors appointment towards the end of the day, and didn’t feel comfortable driving home past dark. She was going to stay at her home and I said no, that wasn’t good, and that she could spend the night at our house.

Well, one night turned into 3. And ever since then, she has come every. single. weekend. She just shows up, or she’ll text me and say she’s heading our way. It’s so overwhelming.

She has a very strict diet of things she can/cannot eat, so it’s difficult for us to plan meals- especially last minute. She wants to help, but she’s more in the way than anything. She just wants to hold and feed the baby. If she changes a diaper, she leaves it. She drinks multiple cups of coffee a day, and never puts the dishes in the sink, so there’s usually four or five mugs laying around. If she has trash, she just leaves it on the counter or table, never in the trash can.

I feel like I’m spending my weekends constantly picking up the house. If my husband and i try to have a conversation, she gets involved. For example, I mentioned to my husband that I would like to apply for a children’s director job. She interrupted and said I need to be careful because people sue... I’m not even sure why or how she would feel like that’s the thing to bring up. She is very negative and extreme like that. I tried to drop the conversation, but she just kept on with it.

We had plans last weekend to celebrate my daughters birthday- just my husband, me, daughter and son. She kept asking us to leave the baby with her, even though my daughter specifically said she wanted the baby to go with us. She showed up at our house, ready to spend the night, knowing we had plans. Then she stayed at our house all day while we were gone, which I wasn’t crazy about.

I know she means well, and wants to help. But, I feel like my weekends are just another weekday now, taking care and entertaining her.

I tried to talk to my husband and he says he appreciates the help, and he wants her involved.

I do too, but I’d appreciate if she *asked* to spend the weekend with us, not just assume.

This weekend, I have two friends who are coming from out of state to see their grandmother, who isn’t doing well. They have asked to stay with me, and of course I said okay. My MIL found out, so she’s not coming this weekend. But it’s Thursday night, and guess who just shows up... 😕

Also, if I tell my daughter “no”, it never fails that grandma gives in. Example, my daughter has to have a cavity filled, so we’re trying to cut out candy, gum, sticky sweets, etc. Grandma knows this and ALWAYS brings candy when she comes. My daughter used to have a medicine that we mixed in her drink every night. She hated it, but it was necessary. I would make her drink with meds in it, and my MIL would just make her another drink instead of helping get my daughter to take her meds. I always feel undermined in those situations.