What Should I Do?

Question

So over the past year, my bf & I have been going through a lot. We’re trying to make things better, before it’s too late, but it’s been very difficult. His  main issue with me is that he feels I don’t show enough affection, and when I have issues, I text him instead of speaking with him one on one, or I just hold things in. My main issue with him is that he has issues with his family, and I feel he takes his anger out on me, so it’s hard for me to show affection, also he doesn’t take me out on dates, or bring me flowers, or anything of that nature unless I bring it up, and overtime that gets annoying. I feel that should be something you want to do for your gf to make her feel good & wanted, not just doing it because she asks.
His bday just passed about a week ago, but he went away to visit his friends, so him & I didn’t get to really do much together. I decided to get us a hotel room & have just a private night with him & I alone; however, I know we have a lot to talk about. So, although I want it to be a romantic night, I feel like we should also sit down, talk & listen to one another, so we can get on the same page. 
Our problems have been overriding our relationship, we haven’t even had sex in 5 months 🤦🏾‍♀️ I just truly want to things to get better. I know he has an idea of what I have planned. I brought his fav food, drinks & desserts also. However, I want to know how I should surprise him, should I be in lingerie when he shows up, or should I stay in pajamas until after we talk things out (just to see where it goes from there)?

Answer

So I hear you, but I also hear you blaming him for your actions.
No he shouldn't be taking his family issues out in you, and he needs to accept that you feel more comfortable discussing things over text. I agree that you shouldn't hold things in.
HOWEVER, I think it's wrong of you to say, "he doesn't get me flowers so I'm not going to be affectionate with him". In a nutshell. You guys obviously have different love languages and that isn't his. If you need certain things to be reciprocated then that's fine, but don't withhold simply because you're not getting back.
Maybe you guys would benefit from counselling.

Answer

You could do lingerie with a robe and make the room really nice. Set up the food for him for a nice dinner, let him eat and get comfortable and talk to him during or after dinner. Butter him up but be up front that you want to talk to him

Answer

You guys don’t sounds like you are in the same page at all. Your giving out about him not getting you things when that is the least of your worries, you need to do several things to fix your relationship first.....
You need to work on how to communicate better with him and vice versa
Your bf need to realised his family issues are not your fault therefore he shouldn’t take his frustrations out on you.
I would tell him about the hotel your have planned and that you want to spend time talkin about your relationship and how to improve it and what you need from each other. 
Don’t even worry about what your wearing if you are in lingerie or not you’ll give him the wrong idea if sex happens later fine but stick to the plan

Answer

Your idea of having a serious conversation and get on the same page, is going to ruin the night you’ve planned. Girl I don’t think you’ve thought this through. You’re talking about putting on lingerie before he gets there but then still have this serious conversation where you discuss your relationship. This conversation you’re talking about should’ve happened way before this fun night you’ve planned but since that didn’t happen, you need to wait until after the fun night to have the serious conversation; otherwise, you’re taking the very good chance that your conversation is going to ruin the night.

What Should I Do?

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