I need help leaving

I have been married for 12 years and dated for 3 years before that. I don’t know how I have gone through so many years of marriage. I have had a lot of problems in my marriage. He is the only guy I have ever been with, I have always been afraid to leave because I don’t know life without him. In the beginning he cheated on me and I forgave him. After the cheating, he became physically abusive. He eventually stopped when I accidentally got pregnant (it was the one time we had sex after a very long time of not being sexually active with each other). He is still verbally abusive and manipulative. He makes it out to me being the problem and me always arguing. In all my years with him he has put me through a lot and I stood by him. Now two kids later, I have found myself and I have come to care more about myself. And now I don’t want to be treated this way. There are three things over the years he has said that I can’t get out of my head. Once he told me he had a dream my sister was sitting on him. She is 5 years younger then me. Then once he told my other sister who is 9 years younger then me, that when she goes to the bathroom it is important to clean herself properly. He said this in front of me and I yelled at him. He has apologized for these things. Recently, he mentioned how how having multiple wives should become normalized. I got mad at him and he said he wasn’t talking about himself. I cant do it anymore. I don’t feel I have security that he won’t cheat or leave me anymore. I have lost all feelings towards him. I want out. But I don’t know why i am scared to leave still. He says he will take my kids from me if I leave. I am a sahm. How do I leave? Should i suck it up and stay?