Why am I envious?

I'm soooo happy my best friend is pregnant, she went through a miscarriage early last year. I am beyond words excited for her, I've bought her ovulation tests off amazon before even to help her in her journey. I've been here every step of the way. But there a part of me that hurts. I had a misscarriage in December. Got pregnant again in january, then had another miscarriage the day before my birthday. I started bleeding January 20th. I just had my first period bout 2 weeks ago. That's how long it took. I bled for 45 days. I cant help but ask, why am I not pregnant. I cant help but feel that twang of envy. The pain of losing 2 babys back to back has destroyed me :( I just want another baby. Why am I jealous. I've wanted this for my friend for years. I feel horrible but would never let her know any of this. How do I cope?

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