I need advice

Hey everyone. This might turn into a long post, so bear with me.

I’m going to preface this with letting you know that my in-laws are difficult people. My son has a history of showing stranger anxiety towards them. And I’m totally lost on how to handle this particular situation.

I’m a nurse. I work 3-12s a week and I rotate weekends, holidays, and nights. I’m currently on my night rotation. My husband also doesn’t have a “traditional” work schedule and works from home Tuesday-Friday with some 4hr Saturdays. We’re very comfortable with our work schedules and we’re blessed to have our daycare just down the street and my parents live just 10min away and are able to help with childcare on those odd Saturday mornings when we’re both working.

We have a 10mo old son who is very well adjusted and has a secure attachment to both of us.

My MIL came to visit yesterday while I was sleeping and my husband says that my son was hesitant around her and he wasn’t very interested in her holding him and just had some general stranger anxiety. We’ve been supporting him through it and not pushing it or forcing him to be held by people he’s not comfortable around. We want him to know from an early age that it’s his body and he’s allowed to say no to situations that make him uncomfortable. We’ve also explained MANY times to her that stranger anxiety is normal for his age and not to take offense to it; it’s nobody’s fault, it’s just something babies develop around his age.

My husband says that she made several comments about it while she was visiting. These included: “he must be scared of me because your wife has such a hectic work schedule. You were in daycare 5 days a week and you were never scared of anybody, so he’s just not in daycare often enough.” “I wish I could visit more often, but her schedule is just so unpredictable. It must be so hard for the baby to adjust.” She went on to suggest that my baby would be better off if I’d just get a “real” job and quit working such selfish hours because she thinks it’s too hard for my husband to “have to babysit” him while I’m working all the time.

My husband says that he quickly corrected her and said that the baby is developing normally and that going to daycare has nothing to do with stranger anxiety. He loves daycare. He also loves his days at home with us when I don’t have to work. He also said that it’s not babysitting, because he’s his child too and he likes taking care of him and the quality time they get just them two.

I’m glad my husband stood up for me. But I just can’t shake this hurtful feeling. I know that his parents don’t like or respect me (for reasons that are a complete mystery to us, as I’ve always been polite to them), but the fact that she thinks that she can make these comments about me to my husband behind my back and doesn’t expect him to stand up for me or even tell me about them, hurts. I just, idk what to do. I want to confront her about it, but idk how. Should I just let it lie? I typed up this response I’d like to send to her, but idk.

Should I send it? Edit it? Or just pretend like Dylan kept her comments to himself? I just feel like her behavior is really inappropriate and I’d like to address it without causing a big to do. My husband thinks I should send it as is. My mom told me to just let it be. I don’t think sending it will change anything, and she’ll probably try to gaslight me and try to deny her comments. But I just want to be heard and I would like her to know that she crossed the line and that her comments are not appropriate, needed, kept secret from me, or welcome.

Please just give me some advice. Have you been in a similar situation? What did you do? Did it help? Make things worse? What would you do if you were in my shoes?