Can’t get over cheating

It’s been almost a year(June) since my kids father cheated on me and I’m still not over it. It still feels fresh and i still cry about it sometimes. Actually thatswhat made me make this post because i was just crying about it. I thought that i could move on because i did it in other relationships. But i just feel so betrayed by him. It was after my pregnancy so i was already super insecure. And he cheated with a girl who is so naturally beautiful. And now i just don’t feel the same. I’ve been trying to fall back into love and i just can’t. I hate kissing him, i hate having sex with him because it just makes me think of him kissing/having sex with that other girl. Pretty sure I’ll never get over it because i was so damn good to him and he was so awful to me that him cheating didn’t even come as a surprise but it still hurt like hell even a year later. I was on TikTok the other day and the girl he cheated with popped up on my feed and itsall I’ve been thinking about none stop. I also got into his Facebook messenger app and found his ex had been calling him at 2 am and he replied back. I don’t want to feel like this anymore but what can i do? I can’t survive on my own. And i don’t have any family or friends. I’m so lost and i just want to be happy and he doesn’t make me happy. He doesn’t appreciate me at all and I’m pretty sure he’s still talking to other women again. I know i have to leave i just don’t have anywhere to go plus I’m pregnant so i just don’t know. And i don’t need any judgment or negativity from anyone I’m low enough and I’m aware i should have left but like i said i have no one and i can’t survive on my own with two kids.