Another sad day

Why do I keep putting myself through this heart ache... every time it comes back with only one line I spiral into sadness. A year ago I was happy with the blended family we had, him and I his 2 daughters and my son. Then we started talking about TTC after over 7 years together. I was hesitant at first bc 2 out of 3 of the kids are grown and out of the house and our son is a preteen. So much more can be done than with a newborn. Then I fell in love with having a baby again. But every month I get so sad... I just wanted to vent thank you for coming to my TED talk... have a wonderful night