I am a mother of 3 (ages 10yo, 2.5yo, and 11mo). I am the breadwinner and more career driven person in my marriage. My husband is a hard worker but he doesn’t really have a passion for his work so to him it’s a paycheck and not really a career.. he is an excellent partner and father, so please no bad comments on that note. This dynamic works for us in general.

I spent a good chunk of my career (and our life prior to marriage) in NYC as my field (fashion design) is more concentrated in certain areas of the country. We moved back ‘home’ closer to both of our families when we started a family and I am working still in my field. My kids are in school and daycare full time so we don’t rely on family for childcare but we do benefit greatly for the occasional date night or just time our kids can bond with their grandparents. They also have a few aunts/uncles and young cousins close to my 2.5yo and 11mo’s ages that they get to see somewhat regularly.

The trouble is, I am working for the one company in my area that employs people who do what I do.. the next geographically close similar company is over 3 hours away and not even a product I would be interested in. I have been in my current role for 5 years and feel like there is no growth potential. I am working way beyond the job description they hired me in for. They keep piling more work on me because I am very good at what I do, but there is absolutely no evidence there will be any pay raise or promotion anytime soon. I have had blunt conversations in this and have been told every ‘your our best’ and ‘atta girl!’ under the sun, but at the end of the day I am feeling very used and feel they don’t think there is any reason to ‘need’ to put effort in retaining me because they know I have ties to the area and my next options would mean a move for my family. Long story short, if feels like I am stuck and I know I can’t just watch my career become complacent till retirement with this company (and I should still have 25+ years till then).. they have a lot of employees that have been there for 20+ years, but in large part it seems like people aren’t really looking for growth but instead happily working in the same roles.. the only area that get promotions are the ones with higher turnover because the role can find other work close by.

I have started looking for work and there is a job opening for designing a product I am highly interested in and would fit my goals perfectly with great benefits, pay, and ranks high in corporate culture. The job is in a state that would be a 12 hour drive away. I do have a contact in the company who has been very enthusiastic about the possibility of talking to a recruiter about my resume so I do have an insider prospective.

Pros to go after it: It could mean a 40k salary increase and has growth potential where I could spend my career with them or a partner brand and not have to move again till my kids are all off to college (if I had to move again at all). It is also in an area of the country I love. My husband would also be able to be free to only work part time and be home more for the kids, or work more if he wants. The area has great schools and local things to do.

Cons on moving: I would be taking my kids away from the grandparents they love.. my parents have the means to visit whenever they like, but my in-laws do not so we would have to pay their way to see them or travel to them more often.

Pros of staying: My kids and family have more time to grow up around family. My daughter loves her school (although she has only ever known this one).. my husband works for my family’s business so his job is stable and flexible and honestly probably pays him a little more then he could find elsewhere. My job is pretty secure, despite my opinions of the company and how it is run.

Cons of staying: Other then family and good schools, there is really nothing about the area we live in that keeps us here. We wouldn’t have moved back here if not for family as my husband and I have other preferences. I also worry I will become more bitter about the career growth situation and waste time when I know I can’t just stay this way for 25+ years.

I feel like no matter what I am going to have times where I feel like I am doing the wrong thing (either staying or going). My husband is also on the fence but says he will follow me anywhere. I will apply no matter what because you loose every shot you don’t take, but I would really love to hear from people who have been through this confusion and what they or their spouse did or didn’t consider that would have helped to know.