I posted yesterday about how you’d respond if your ex wanted your shared daughter to start spending the night (shes 5) and she didn’t want to. At this point she sleeps at mine every night and visits her dad a couple times a week. I’m off now and he has a flexible work schedule so he can literally see her whenever he wants. I never try to keep her from him.

But he’s always provided inconsistent care to her since she’s been born. When we we together he never wanted to get up with her, sometimes refused to change her diaper, and just didn’t want to take care of her for long periods of time. He was always very happy to let me do everything. Once we broke up it didn’t change much. She still saw him but he could not commit to a consistent schedule jo matter how much insisted and would even just not be home sometimes when I’d come to drop her off. If he was too busy he would just say he couldn’t take her and when his other kids would visit him for the summer he would be overwhelmed and see our daughter way less. Basically he would go in and out of parenting as he needed. After a year of this I stopped fighting him to be present. I wanted to make sure she knew and loved her dad but I never forced it anymore. If he didn’t call, he didn’t see her. If he didn’t try, nor did I. After I stopped trying to make him be the father she deserved he started to try harder- again, inconsistently, but I stopped caring. I met someone who is amazing and my daughter adores him. She also loves her dad, but she doesn’t depend on him. She likes to visit but not for too long and she definitely wants to come home at the end of the day.

Just two weeks ago we didn’t hear from her dad for an entire week. He was busy 🤷🏼‍♀️ I told him he should not be letting that happen- if he can’t see her st least call.

And now he’s saying he wants to be more involved. He wants to see her more, he wants her to spend the night, he wants more.

And I’m like man, you reap what you sew. You can’t expect her to all of a sudden have the closeness you’re yearning for just because you want it. He never cultivated that and now it is what it is. I don’t keep his daughter from him, I’ve always made sure she thinks highly of her father, but I am

Not about to force her to stay by him because he is motivated all of a sudden.

He thinks as parents we just need to tell her what to do and she’ll adapt. I disagree.

I’m also 20 weeks pregnant with her sibling and she is going to go through a range of emotions with this, on top of starting school a month before the baby is due.

My question is how would you all go about this? If ever my daughter started saying she wants to stay by him I would support this, even though I don’t always think he’s got the best parenting skills, I will support my daughter. Would you start talking to your child about possibly staying at his? Would you leave it up to him to start cultivating his relationship so that she’ll want to? How much effort would you put into making this happen ?