I had a baby 12 weeks ago today. The baby’s father (my fiancé) and I have been having a rough go of it lately. Things were really good for like a month after I had the baby, he was positive, encouraging, and helpful around the house with the baby. As soon as he went back to work though, that behavior stopped. He works night shift, so it’s hard anyway, but he doesn’t help around the house and hardly with the baby, he barely spends any time with the baby or me saying he needs time to “relax”. If we want to see him we can sit in his darkened game room and watch him play video games. I don’t remember the last time he genuinely wanted to spend time with me, or the last real conversation we had. All in all, I just feel really alone. I’ve tried talking to him about it and he basically tells me he doesn’t know what I’m talking about, that it’s my own problem I need to figure out, why would he want to hang out with me if I’m bringing up stuff like this.

The kicker was at 9 weeks, my parents babysat for us and we went out for the first time since the baby to a work thing with a lot of his coworkers. A gf of his one coworker is also pregnant, so the guy asked me how labor actually was, and my fiancé interrupted and was like “really long and boring, honestly. You just sit around a lot then the baby is finally born, and then you sit around a lot more.” He said it like it was funny but I was just sitting there like “wtf is wrong with you”. I said something light at the moment like “sorry it wasn’t more entertaining for you? I was busy having a child” but I wasn’t going to make a scene out and I like to process things before I respond.

Things haven’t gotten better though and I keep feeling more and more resentful towards him. I finally brought up today his comment about how me having the baby was “long and boring” when he tried to tell me that “he gave me a baby” and I tried to explain how actually if anything I gave him a baby, and the comment hurt my feelings and he was like “what it was. I don’t even remember saying that but yeah it was”

I tried to explain how that would come off as hurtful to me - kind of undermining all the discomfort, effort and pain I had to go through to birth our son. Completely worth it, but still the fact that he wasn’t acknowledging any of it was really bothering me. Like what was I supposed to be doing, entertaining him while I was in labor? Put on cartoons for him to watch like a child? It was like birthing our child wasn’t enough to be excited or appreciative about.

He just walked out of the room saying I was moody even though I kept my tone completely calm, and cut me off changing the subject.

Am I just being hormonal and moody, or am I right to be upset by this?

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