As a 27 year old female, why do I still feel such shame about being horny?

I was raised to believe sex is bad. So I waited til marriage and had sex for the first time with my now ex husband.

I hated it. Hated sex with him completely. I felt like I had vaginismus with him, always involuntarily closing up.

We have a child together now and not together anymore.

Im finding myself constantly “in the mood” now. I dont know why! Maybe because its been so long, more than a year. But I feel such shame and guilt about it.

I just want some (safe) sex from a male😩. And I feel soo guilty about it. Is sexting bad? Is it bad to talk sexually with a man you’re attracted to?

I feel such shame and guilt surrounding sex and its making me uncomfortable with myself because I know I am much more of a sexual being and I am closing myself off to make people around me not judge me.