I have never felt so low in my life. I was supposed to be strong but I failed... My boyfriend killed himself... He shot himself in our car. He's was only 18. We have a newborn together. His funeral was so hard. I have his ashes rn.. So far the only thing that has helped me was drinking..m I drink and I drink and drink. To the point in blacked out and can't take care if my baby. My friends who are 21 and up supply me with alcohol. I know that's not good but it's not their fault. I keep choosing to drink. Rn my boyfriend's mom is paying all our bills. My boyfriend was the one working before he committed suicide. All I know how to make the pain go away is drowning myself in liquor... It's to the point that I can't take care of our son... So I sent him to live with my boyfriend's sister. Everyone is gonna comment to get help but plz understand when I say that's not possible rn... I'm letting everyone down. My mother said to me "Depression got Houston... Looks like alcoholism is gonna get you." And I feel like such a low piece of shit... I want to live for the both of us, but I don't think I'm strong enough 😭😭😭

Edit: You guys are very sweet. I know I need to get sober for our baby... And for Houston... It's just so hard... When it's the only thing that numbs the pain... But I'm going to do it... I have to get sober... For our baby... For Houston..