Note:the answers did not fit entirely so I cut the end of the word horrible a bit.

April 12th I wrote a post about falling out of love with my husband. I appreciate the responses I got and they made me think a lot, so I am posting again for some guidance/advice/comments/outside opinions. My husband is 51 and I am 36. This is my first marriage and his second. We will be 4 years married this July and we have a child who was born with a congenital condition. It was very scary when he was born because we did not know the prognosis, but he has met all of his milestones and his condition is barely noticeable. He is in preschool now and is doing great, so I am back working part-time and planning to work full-time next year. My husband is a good father and husband, he loves me very much; he tells me and I see it also. He did not want to start therapy with me, but he agreed finally and it has helped us. The issues I had were that my husband did not want me to work, he does not want any more children, even though he originally did and that I am not attracted to him. So we are working through everything. He has come around on me working. I telework right now, so he gave me his home office and is building an addition to our house to serve as my office. On the issue of children he explained that our son’s health hit him very hard and is still in shock of what we had to go through and that because of our age difference he does not want to leave me-knock on wood- alone with two children that might have any type of condition. But he is really thinking through everything right now and is more open to it than before. And then for our intimacy we have been working a lot on that; both of us. The problem is I still I am not attracted to him. Our sex life is a lot better because I have been more open with him about things and he really listens. We have made a lot of progress. I do get a lot of pleasure and climax with him because he is a good lover. I like what he does and how he feels but I can only orgasm if I have my eyes closed, thinking of another imaginary man; someone who does not exist, just someone who is more like my type. Is that horrible? I am horrible for doing that? Should I bring it up in therapy? I am reluctant because before when I talked to my husband about how I wanted to have a trial separation or an open marriage, it really hurt him. He only was telling me that he was against that and that he loves me, but now in therapy he said how much it hurt him and that it was the reason why he did not want to touch me and could not get hard for some period, because he felt he would be forcing me. So I don’t want to hurt him more. He has been so patient and kind with me, and I see him now that we are more intimate again and I am touching him more, it’s like he is on cloud 9. I do get pleasure from what he does, so it is really bad if I imagine the face of a person that does not exist?  

Contrary to my previous post, I now know I don’t want to leave him. He is really someone so good. Yesterday I had a big presentation and he took our boy to a “father-son” adventure all weekend and on Monday he re-arranged his whole schedule-re-scheduled work meetings- last minute, so that he could be in the afternoon home with our son while I finished my presentation. Without me asking, simply because he saw me stressed. He really loves me and as a commenter said in my previous post he is not disposable, of course. I love him too. I want to work on being a good wife to him. But is it bad if I think of someone else (not a real person; just the type I would be attracted to) while we have sex? and should I bring this up in therapy? I don’t want to hurt him again.