Okay so I’ve always said I was bi. I’ve only ever dated men however and I’m currently dating a man. Honestly, penises are ugly and have progressively been grossing me out more as I get older. I hate giving blowjobs, precum grosses me out, sperm is gross and tastes horrible, my jaw gets uncomfortable and I just don’t like it. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years, I don’t want to date men anymore and if I do I don’t want sex involved. Sex with men has always been unsatisfying, I fake orgasms and idk why they think randomly poking and rubbing does anything. I’m constantly just wishing for it to be over. Oh yes I love when you rub the side of my labia thinking it’s my clit 🙄🙄. Anyways at first I was attracted to my bf, obviously, but now sex just feels like a chore and I hate it. If I never has sex with a man again it’s too soon. There’s complicated reasons why I haven’t made the decision to break up with my boyfriend yet, one being that we live together in a townhouse with a roommate and I wouldn’t be able to comfortably afford his part of rent. I got a new job and am working towards being financially free so I don’t have to rely on anymore. Anyways not the point. What do I do? I’ve talked to my boyfriend about my hesitations since the beginning and have constantly expressed my boundaries, I’ve given up now but In the beginning they were always the start of arguments. 🙄 I’ve told him I’m bi however now that I’m older I think I’m only slightly attracted to men and lean more towards only wanting women. Idk what to do. I also don’t believe in monogamy, he knew this since the beginning (we were friends for 5 ish months before dating and have talked about the fact that I believe in open relationships). He had always said he has been monogamous but he could potentially be open to an open relationship if he was in a strong relationship(this was a convo from when we were just friends).When I have tried to bring up the conversation, if ends in runarounds and he puts his foot down. I feel stuck and know that I don’t want to continue this relationship if it’s going to keep feeling so constricting. My problem is half of me wants to break up and do my own thing and explore who I am as a Person but the other half there isn’t anything wrong, the relationship is solid as far as relationships go.

I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and all of my issues go away.