advice on relationship with step daughter.

El

My partner and I have been together for officially 2 and 1/2 years now. He has a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I have been around his daughter for the 2 and 1/2 years. My partner and I have been living together for a bit over a year. For 8 months my partner and I lived at his mums and he had his daughter one night a week (alternative Friday 6pm - Saturday 4pm and Saturday 2pm - Sunday 2pm). 7 months ago my partner and I moved 320 miles away, due to his work, so now he only sees his daughter once every 3-4 weeks and he video calls her every night.

His daughter doesn’t interact with me whatsoever. I try to talk to her and I’m always ignored. I try to do nice things with her, like doing her hair, painting her nails, baking cakes with her etc but nothing seems to be helping her to warm to me. Like I said, my partner and I have been together for 2 and 1/2 years and I feel that I should have some sort of relationship with his daughter by now. Up to about 4 months ago, my partner didn’t encourage her to talk to me or involve me in any activities etc, which just made me feel push aside and not wanted. My partner and I have spoken about this and we’re trying to sort this issue out together. He now tries to encourage her to say talk to me, to at least say hello and thankyou to me but she still won’t. He is also trying to include me in activities, but as soon as I start participating she says she doesn’t want to do it anymore.

Her mum has been sending me horrible and disgusting messages through social media for about 5 months now. She brags about cheating on my partner when they were together, saying his daughter isn’t his, calls me horrible names etc., she has even said that she hopes if I get pregnant I miscarry or my child is born disabled (which is really upsetting for me as I am ttc and I have lost a baby in the past). She threatens to stop my partner seeing his daughter if I am around her. In the last message I received, she said that she has been telling her daughter not to talk to me, that I am an evil witch and she doesn’t have to listen to me, she should try to stay away from me because I am poisonous. Obviously this is really upsetting for me and my partner. It just makes me feel that no matter how much effort I put in to trying to bond with her, whatever I say or do, it won’t make a difference because of what she is constantly being told at home.

My partner and I are very happy, but we would both like there to be a relationship between myself and his daughter. I’m finding the whole situation very upsetting and isolating.

Side note - my partner doesn’t actually have any contact with his daughters mum. She refuses to speak to him, so all arrangements go through his mum and he has to video call her on her mums partners phone. I have offered to be the point of contact for arrangements and things, as my partners mum finds it stressful doing so, but his daughters mum doesn’t want me involved.