Losing Hope

Has anyone ever lost hope in everything and think their kids might be better off without you?

I am a mother of 3 kids and have another baby on the way. My kids' father is currently incarcerated so I've fallen behind on bills because we live in a small town of less than 200 people and the nearest town to get groceries is 30 minutes away. My FIL recently moved to the town we live in to help watch the kids but he is always drunk by 10 a.m. I recently got a job but have had to call in several times because I can't trust him to watch my children intoxicated. I feel I am om the verge of being let go and even with assistance it is difficult to pay any bills and childcare with little to no income. I am 20 weeks pregnant and I have only been to the doctor's office once because I can't afford it. I want to keep my son on the way but I can't afford anything and it terrifies me. The closest family I have lives a day away. I had no choice but to send my two oldest to go stay with my sister for the summer which leaves me with my youngest. He suffers from separation anxiety and without my partners' help, I cry myself to sleep every night terrified I have to give my kids up and my unborn child. My kids are the light of my life and when all my kids are gone, there isn't any background noise. It's quiet and lonely. They are my reason for everything and I just want to give them the best life but I don't want to be with out them. It hurts to think I have to give my children up when children are everything in life.