We broke up

For over a year now I’ve been dating someone. Today that ended.

I was sick the other day and it pissed him off. I didn’t respond the next day to a text he sent me cus he needed help but I was sleeping because I didn’t feel good. He was mean about it. Today he said good morning and I just didn’t respond because he wouldn’t answer my question last night. Which was “what do you think about me”. I feel like a sex toy. So I asked that. He said he didn’t know how to answer and he was tired and going to bed. It pissed me off. All we do is work and sex. Very rarely ever hanging out. For the first time in a year he took a day off for me. Never before did he actually not work a day and spend time or part of that day with me. I was happy. I even fell asleep at his place which was a first. Now today he told me he’s sick of my antics because I fucked up his work week. Last night he told me it’s his fault and it’s why he has never had a lasting relationship. It’s like he flipped from trying to just blaming it all on me.

Now I heard fireworks or gunshots and he won’t text back. I’m scared of what he could have done. I want to go look but I’m afraid. I am sure he’s fine and playing mind games because he’s done it before. But part of m wants to know. I need to. I can’t imagine life without him. I guess it’s a problem I have. I don’t want to just be single again. It’s like I will forever be alone. I think I might go make sure he’s ok. I’m not ok. I don’t know what to do. Who to talk to. Where to go. How to think. I can’t even breathe. I’ve never been through this before. I just wish I didn’t exist rn.