I love my baby. She is my world, but I hate my mind and how it has changed. I will be looking up fun activities for us to do together and an image of her dying will suddenly cross my mind. My heart breaks. Sometimes I can just move on without a thought and other times it crushes me for a moment and I can’t stop the tears from coming. Just today I was looking for some fun water places, next thing I know, my brain creates an image of her drowning and dying. I’m immediately in tears while she is safely asleep next to me. It’s horrible. Some days are better and some days our worse, but I hate how my brain will turn something good into something dreadful.