Advice?

Question

Im twenty and both of the relationships I have had have been toxic, the last one was with the father of my son who turned out to be an alcoholic. The whole relationship was abusive & toxic. I met a guy when my son was six months old, hes almost 25 years old, lives with gus parents and doesnt help with anything, he says hes saving for a house. I live alone with my son , work and go to college full time. I feel we are on different levels. I noticed he lies about little things which maybe arent worth breaking up over but still bother me: body count, sex history (saying he had a three some, then denying it so idk whats true), etc. I dont think hes cheating, but I’m not positive. He hasnt done anything to make me think it but I just get very insecure and hget upset when he does certain things; once he told me he was on ft w a friend  who was a female and it upset me. I also feel the relationship is moving real slow, weve been talking since Dec 2019 and still not offical, never met family or friends, etc. he is great with my son and weve had casual conversation about out future, he says he doesnt want kids, then he says he wants one, I know for sure I want at least one more, but I cant tell if hes saying that to say or what. I just dont wanna keep wasting my time and having my son around somebody who won’t last.

Answer

He’s wasting your time. You are correct you’re not on the same level, he’s basically a hobo sexual, I’ll probably looking for someone to take him in, he lives in his parents basement, he doesn’t work, he’s basically a 40-year-old living in his parents basement who plays video games all day that’s basically what you’re dealing with. You need someone who has their life together, who is focused, driven, not just someone you’re settling for. I would stop wasting your time. If he’s not making your life better, why bother. I stop dating people who don’t have their life together. I’m currently with someone who’s a lawyer, I don’t have time to be raising anyone, I’ve done that before, never again. I was his mother who did everything for him and he was irresponsible, and just used me and was in love with my bank account not me meanwhile his appreciation for everything I did was sleeping with half of our town. He was bipolar, he couldn’t keep a job, he couldn’t keep an address, he was even sleeping on the floor at my office at one point, he had tickets in every town, which he used me to clean up all of his messes, which would be neglected and turn into warrants and arrests and having to pay to get him out of jail etc. He never paid for anything, maybe a handful of times in the five years I was with him, he knew I didn’t wanna be alone, he knew he had the upper hand, and he took advantage and used me, he grew up in the system, he was funny and charming, and he literally charm the pants off of Over 250 women and he said he slept with so many women he lost count. Talk about a piece of shit￼￼. I was emotionally attached due to having two miscarriages, he knew I didn’t wanna be alone, the ball is in his court, and he could do as he pleased, I had at me. Never again. We all have your life together, don’t bother talking to me you’re wasting your time. But as for you, you are wasting your time with the sky, he knows you’re a single mom, he figures are lonely and desperate you’ll settle for whatever crap will have you. If you don’t see the possibility of someone who is a strong father figure for your child, who has his life together, who works, who basically has his ducks in a row, don’t bother with them, because otherwise you’ll end up getting used and taken advantage of. They look for women who are single moms and easy targets, lonely desperate, etc. If it were me, I would not introduce anyone to my kid for at least a year, because you don’t know peoples intentions, you don’t want your kid getting attached, it’s harder on them than it is on you to lose somebody. And sadly the world we live in is full of people who have mental illness, who are sexual predators, etc. You never know what somebody’s intention is to use or abuse you or your children. And like he said he’s so all over the place and full of crap, why bother. Stop wasting your time. You deserve better, you deserve happiness, you deserve everything, and this guy has nothing to offer you.￼￼

Answer

Hard truth time. You know how there are some women who seem to be so unlucky as to end up in one terrible relationship after another? It isn't luck. It's about what you are willing to put up with and how fast you are willing to cut out potential mates when problems arise. People are afraid to look like they are being too picky, but the truth is this is your life and this is an aspect of it where you can't afford not to be picky. You need to have standards, you need to have goals, you need to have expectations, you need to have morals and values that match up. When people let you know early on that their life views do not match with yours that is when you break it off. Even before you become official. Don't spend more years pursuing this guy, and then wistfully wonder where all the great guys are. Great guys don't pursue women who are in relationships. The choice is yours

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