Mommy needs a break

*Sorry y’all it’s just a rant post, I just need to complain a bit*

Being pregnant with my first daughter was so pleasant and relaxing. Yet this time around my pregnancy and toddler are kicking my ass. I love my daughter and I want her to always feel like she can rely and call on me but it would be nice if she called on her dad at least once during the day instead of repeatedly calling for me even with things she can easily do herself. My husband is a sweetheart and helps so much yet he also works, doesn’t clean as well as I, and apparently doesn’t play as enthusiastically either but he does try and I am grateful. He even does his best to cater to me and pamper me. I asked him what he wanted for father day and he said “nothing, if anything I should get you something. Being a dad is hard but it’s nothing compared to being a mom” I just about cried.

Then with my pregnancy there hasn’t been a day where I’m not either overly exhausted, ill, or just in absolute physical pain. My body feels over worked and mentally I feel overwhelmed. I wish I had someone I trust to keep my daughter just for a night or friends to go out with on a small outing. Yet I’m a paranoid mother in a new city with no friends. I only have like 5 more weeks to go until I get my body back. Yet then I’ll be going back to school and trying to juggle a toddler, and a newborn while trying not to feel like I’m failing as a wife. ( My husband doesn’t make me feel like I’m lacking in any way it’s just a personal feeling).

I also miss my morning coffee and nicotine 😫😫😫, I want to continue not to smoke after I give birth since I’ve been without it for just about 9 months now. Plus my husband isn’t a smoker and hates that I smoked since my dad had lung cancer from smoking. Yet it’s all I can think about is just taking a hit and feeling the stress leave my body as I exhale. It’s pitiful the thought of a cigarette after a long nine months past having my sweet new addition feels like the reward at the end of the tunnel. Yet I guess it’s the same as some women craving a glass of wine right?