Abusive marriage( On and Off)

Do abusive men change? My husband and I been together for 11 years has always been abusive. Some times he will go a while without being physically abusive but he curses a lot and is very aggressive over small things. If he’s frustrated he will get angry over the smallest things. I’m not sure why he turns it on me. He admits to being abusive and agrees to counseling but never goes never gets help and gets upset when I bring up his counseling. He then says we both need it. I’m so tired of the happy moments and then he has these intense mood swings and deny it. One day he’s good then the next he’s moody. I understand we all have our days but he can be so cold and distant. And if he doesn’t have his (weed) then he’s really irritated. I love him I do. I want our family to be better and for him to change. But when it’s days like this and he argues with me with the most profanity I’ve ever heard every time it hurts my feelings. He expects sex daily but doesn’t do anything to bring our love closer. I try and go out on dates with him to spice it up still but he never wants to go anywhere. He just wants to rap and record and smoke. I’m so stupid 😢😢