Feeling overwhelmed

Sorry for the long post; I just need to vent!

I’m about 8 weeks pregnant and not feeling excited... I miscarried twice last year and almost died with the second one. I ended up at the hospital and needed blood transfusions and it was terrible. Shortly after I went on antidepressants to help me just make it through the day.

I wanted to be done having kids but my husband wanted more. So we compromised and decided we will try one more time and whatever happens is the last time. While still on birth control I found out I was pregnant. I wanted more time to heal and mourn for my lost babies. And now, unexpectedly I’m pregnant, and I haven’t been excited at all for this baby... is that terrible? I’m still so sad over the babies I lost.

can anyone offer words of comfort? Will the excitement come? 😣