Mom guilt

Okay I'll try to keep this short. Basically I'm still not ready to leave my son overnight - even with my husband. It has absolutely nothing to do with trust, it has everything to do with mom guilt. My son is 15 months, he's a pandemic baby, I'm a stay at home mom....we spend all of our time together. Yes it gets exhausting, yes I say I need a break, yes I feel like the grocery store is a mini vacation. But overnight? I'm just not there yet. My husband and I have gone out and left our son with my parents but it's never been longer than 5 hours. My husband has stayed home while I've got out with the girls, again never for very long. I just want to be home.

Here's my bigger dilemma. I have a friend who also has a pandemic baby - 10 weeks younger than my son. She is constantly asking me to have a girls trip and I keep telling her I'm not ready. She has told me she takes a baby free night any chance she gets and she's planning a solo night away soon. I think she says it to make me feel better about leaving - I'm not bashing her in any way.

However she gives me so much shit for not wanting to be away but then gets mad if anyone says anything about her "needing a break". It's a double standard to me and then I feel bad. Like why? Neither one of us is any better of a mother than the other. I don't know...has anyone else experienced this? Or have advance about mom guilt?

I know eventually we will have a night without the baby but right now... I'm just not there