I Wish I Was More Excited I Have Wanted This My Whole Life

I feel like I need to keep testing to make sure I am still pregnant meanwhile I am 6 weeks. I feel like God forbid something might happen. I also feel I get more excited for other people. i want to be excited & I want to keep believing that I deserve this. This is my 1st, it was carefully planned, and I have never misscarried, but I know the chance & I know people who had bad experiences & idk I guess I want to avoid dissapointment? At the same time I dont want to feel this. I want to be excited! I thought when I told my family I would be more excited because people know but I am still idk, just not like the way I thought I would be? I started feeling morning sickness 2 days ago, so I am starting to feel things that make this real, but I just think Im sick, thinking of being pregnant is not my first thought. Idk I just want to be excited for myself. I have always wanted to be a mom my whole life, why am I not excited???