Gain 30 pounds in a year and I feel horrible about myself

I gained 30-40 pounds during quarantine, I was unemployed and inside a lot. I'd also started a new relationships about three or so months after my last ended. I'd eat a meal once or twice a day, but last summer I was eating about three and it was all fast food. I wasn't moving that much if at all, just in bed all day, and was gradually gaining the weight until I eventually went from 130 to 160. For one day I was like 168-170.

I was going to the gym for a while, and eating better, and then snacked a lot at night one night and ended up gaining water weight which put me right back at 168. I hate the way I look, I hate how big and wide I've become. I look horrible. I keep trying to make myself be nicer to myself but it's so hard when I really hate how I look. I can't fit into my old clothes anymore. Just eating one meal makes my stomach feel like its about to burst. Bloat feels like pregnancy.

I just needed to vent. I'm crying while typing, it just really upsets me.