AF showed up today. I thought this would be our month, we did everything right: tracked my cycle, BD on all the important days we even tried new things to make it not feel like we were just doing it because I was ovulating. And once again I'm heartbroken. We're 9 months in now and I feel like giving up because I don't have it in me to do this every month only to be disappointed in my inabilityto get pregnant. I'm stuck feeling like I can't say anything about how I'm struggling because while it's only been 9 months, I see others trying for years and I tell myself "I guess I don't have the right to say I'm struggling at 9 months in if others try for years."

Four of my friends announced their pregnancies a couple weeks ago and last week a few more friends had their babies. My timeline is full of pregnancy announcements and birth announcements. To make things worse a friend texted me today to tell me she's pregnant. My sister in law told me she was pregnant last week and now I get to spend the weekend with her and trying to be excited about talking about her pregnancy while on the inside I just want to cry. I'm happy for all of them but I just cry at the end of the day with every negative test.

When do I get to exchange this sadness for excitement? How do I feel excited for my friends when all I can muster is putting on a fake smile and trying not to cry in front of them?

I guess one day it'll be my turn but for now, I'm heartbroken.