I’m going to be a senior this year in high school. I regularly go to therapy and found something out that is very surprising to me. When I was still in junior high I started this habit of telling myself that I hated my self in order for me to encourage myself (maybe not the best way of going about that). I was told that I was self abusing. And this constant voice created a different me in a sense where my conscious is constantly protecting me from bad feelings. This also causes the good feelings to disappear with the bad feelings. Somewhere in between now and then I’ve noticed that I never really feel anything more than neutral in terms of emotion. I never know if I’m happy, upset, angry. I also never know when I’m hungry. I can and sometimes do go a day or two without eating because I just never feel hungry. It’s easy to forget. These and a couple other things are signs of a depressive state. Before this session my therapist told me I was getting better. I am functioning very well for someone with this issue. It’s become so normal to me that I am able to act normal. After being given all this information I’ve thought about how sometimes you might not know that your actions are causing that much harm. Whether it’s yourself or a friend you might not know what they are really going through. I didn’t even know that this is why I’ve always felt so off. I made myself numb to myself. In other words if someone is talking about something that would normally be emotional in anyway I will feel it to a extent. If someone does something to me I won’t feel anything.