I’m sorry.

I know you’re a baby, but I wish you would smile with me like you do others… I don’t mean to make you cry.

I’m sorry.

To my fiancé I don’t mean to make you feel bad, so I cry in the bathroom at night so I won’t bother you during the day.

I’m sorry.

I’m not a great mother, that I’m always tired, and that I don’t feel good.

I’m so sorry to anyone that I hurt because I’m not okay…

.. I told my fiancé “you wouldn’t understand because she smiles with you , and everyone else. You’re not a mother, you didn’t carry her for 8 months and grow a bond with her for her to come out and feel like she does not like you” now he feels bad , I didn’t mean to.. but that’s why I don’t tell him how I feel because I don’t know how he’s going to react and now he’s barely talking to me. He said you need sleep you have to take care of yourself (I have a congenital heart defect that I was born with , that got affected during pregnancy and now at 9 weeks PP my heart rate shoots up to 140-150). I said “I’m trying we both go to bed at the same time and I wake up every hour, because she’s screaming and crying” he said “I got her” I said “the last time you had her, you fell asleep with the bottle in your hand while you were feeding her”… he said last night he misses how we used to me, sexually && non sexually, we used to stay up all night . I said “I’m sorry, I just had a baby and sex hurts rn, and I’m also tired all the time, I try to spend time but when we do one of us falls asleep” I’m also going to start school , he said “worry about school” I said I have to worry about our daughter as well “he says I got her”

I don’t know I just feel like a failure as a mother and fiancé.