I will NEVER have a healthy sex life with husband!

Every time I try to take steps forward he just takes steps back! How can I even trust a person who:

1) blames me for their limp dick

2) has sex with me in my sleep

3) watches porn behind my back and then lies about it

4) views foreplay as a chore

5) is a 95% TAKER not a giver

6) has dec with me in my sleep after I’ve told him not to! (We talked about this and he just did it this!)

7) invests zero time and energy into getting to know my body

8) treats me like an object.

9) has no consideration for my past sexual assault history (the only other person who has ever said YES😈 when I said no 😰 is the guy who raped me in college. The man I married has been doing that since b4 we took vows! I know I’m stupid)

THIS IS A RANT, ignore or read.

I will never have a healthy sex life with my husband!

I know people like to say that “oh most guys watch porn. It’s normal” but porn has wrecked his brain! And he feels that blow jobs should last a very long time because he sees that in videos. Like dude that’s someone’s job and there is editing and breaks. It’s not real! An almost 1hr blow job does not exist! And my silly self nearly gave him a full hour once. Never again. Almost got lock jaw. And another thing, I feel like the only way I can insure he doesn’t fuck me in my sleep is if I wear a damn onesie to bed and it’s too hot for that! He does not have the common decency to actually sleep in another area when he has done something wrong and I need space so I move myself to the couch or one of the other bedrooms. And he has the nerve to turn on all the lights and wake me out of my sleep when I do sleep elsewhere to ask why I’m not in the bed with him! He KNOWS I hate be woken up out of my sleep. Sometimes it’s hard to fall asleep and stay asleep for me but he doesn’t care. He will wake me up with a stiff dick at 3am, 4am, 5am, 12am, 1:30am. Look it’s not his first time.

He has told me that he has sex with me in my sleep because it’s a higher chance he can have sex than if I am awake and say no. But being that we just had sex the day b4 last and light night I gave him head in the shower, that reasoning doesn’t add up as to why he did it this morning 😑. And that does nothing for me. It’s not like I ever climax, I’m not involved. He’s just using my hole. And if I do say no it’s more of a not now because how can I be in the mood when he’s always disrespecting me!? There’s actually so much I wanna try and things we have already done. I’m sexually adventurous and he is vanilla. But I can’t even stay comfortable with him. It makes me not want sex at all. I can’t even enjoy self pleasure the way I used to. It’s all getting bad. I’m sick of it!