Am i wrong for feeling this way ?

Question

My mama is a alcoholic and Been one since i was like 11 or 12. So at 16 my siblings got taken away(not me and my older brother)  but before that we got put out of our home and was living place to place. So finally we ended up at my aunts house and things did not get better. I was the mother at 16 taking care of my siblings. Then after that i got pregnant my mom finally got a place for us ( i was living with my grandmother and another aunt) she use to leave me in there hungry never use to leave money for me etc. i had no job no money to get around so i was stuck. Then it was a time she knew i was hungry and she gave the rest of the food to my stepdad instead. I still forgave her because she’s my mother and she makes mistakes and i do too. Then i have my baby shower for my second daughter she doesn’t show up. Then both births she shows up to the hospital drunk. Got kicked out the second time i still forgave her. Then she always always come over my house drunk and cursing and fighting around my kids and i am so tired of it. She  breaks my toilet lid then she do not care how she leaves my house. I understand she’s my mother but she doesn’t even come around unless she wants something and she keep stealing out of my home. I bought her some earrings what she do ? Laugh on the phone and joking around never once said thank you. My feelings were hurt ofcourse but i still ignored that. Then for Mother’s Day i gave her a cup but put $100 in it. When i walked up to her and tried to give it to her she looked in disgust like what is this. I told her to look in side she never did and that really just hurted me. I still forgave her then stuff is happening in my life and i just be wanting to talk to her but she never answers her phone or she change the subject quick and talk about her. I try talking to her about it but she’s always drunk. And she always come over at different times of the day. I’m just so tired of it everytime she comes over i get upset because i know she been drinking. Im trying to forget the past but how when she keeps acting like that towards me. I want to cut her off but i need my mother

Answer

I think you’re looking for acceptance, love, affection, validation, and you may never get that. You can’t grow in toxic soil and a rainbow can’t come out unless it stops raining. I know she’s your mother, but you are not obligated to deal with her toxic behavior. You need to set boundaries and tell her look either you sober up or you don’t see my kids. You are not welcome in my home and less you sober up, I will not tolerate your behavior, and you need to set boundaries,. Happiness and love you fine within yourself, trust me I know where you’re coming from, my mother who’s a nurse assessed, and everything that was ever wrong with my life, stemmed from shit that she said or did. I never got a love attention or affection at home, so I looked for it and anyone that would have me, which led to me being used, abused, raped, sexually abused at the age of eight, my father died when I was four, looking for love in all the wrong places is the nicest way of putting it. So trust me I know what you’re dealing with, I’m on my second bankruptcy because of my mother, using my credit, her gambling addiction, she’s a narcissist, and she never has a nice thing to say to me, nothing is ever her fault, she hast to be right, or no one else is happy, and everyone around her Hass to be miserable. The most bitter, resentful, angry person you’ll ever meet, the biggest phony on the planet, so trust me you need to set boundaries, stop allowing her to make you feel bad, stop allowing her to come over when she feels like it, stop allowing her to use and abuse you, stop tolerating the bullshit that’s a nice way of putting it. You aren’t wrong, for cutting her out of your life, you aren’t wrong for not tolerating the bullshit, you deserve respect, your children deserve love and affection, and they will never get it from her, if you want her in your life, tell her to sober up first. My aunt was an alcoholic, and she got in a car accident with the kids in the car because she was drunk the grandkids, and her daughter had to tell her either you sober up or you don’t come around my kids, she eventually sobered up, and became a better grandmother than she ever was a mother to them. Break the cycle, be the mother to your children that she was never to you, do better, choose happiness, to sanity, choose yourself, and maybe get some therapy, that’s my best advice to you￼￼￼￼

Am i wrong for feeling this way ?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey