So, after I got divorced from my husband last year (he constantly cheated and I gave it everything I had and couldn’t do it anymore), I moved on and to a different state where I am with my current boyfriend. I stopped going to church and stopped doing my devotionals and I strayed away from God (I come to the realization that I resented him for the things that I went through as a kid and now in my adult life).

I am pregnant now and unmarried. I’m starting to pray again and restarting the habits in my prayers and thoughts on God and I am reflecting now on how my life is and who I’ve become. My boyfriend and I are engaged and very much committed to eachother and we have put in the marriage application but for some reason, it’s taking forever and the longer it takes, the worse I feel because I know I should be married.

My boyfriend is agnostic. He came from a very very strict religious upbringing and went through a lot of abuse and neglect as a child so he is on the fence about God but very much respects my faith and wants what I feel is best.

However, because I am single and pregnant and going to school full time, I can’t afford regular healthcare so I have Medicaid. If we were to marry, I wouldn’t qualify and we live paycheck to paycheck as it is. I’m also receiving other educational benefits because I am a single mother.

In God’s eyes, does it matter if we are married according to the law or if we spiritually marry via a pastor in a church?

I just have so much guilt building up and I want to do the right thing.