I apologize in advance for the long post! I seriously just need to vent. I’m currently 23 weeks & 2 days pregnant with a baby boy... I have been in a very toxic marriage with my husband soon to be ex husband for 4 years. He had put me through hell. Last year we had a daughter & I stuck it out for her. I eventually end up leaving him & finding out I was pregnant. At first he was against me having this baby & we had a big fight where it ended on him yelling at me he was signing over his rights to our daughter & he didn’t want to deal with me anymore at all. 4 months went by without a word from him & he had block me on everything he move on with life & got him a girlfriend & etc.... he eventually reach out to me about out the blue of missing his daughter and he apologized for everything he said. I still didn’t want anything to do with him but I put out issues aside & welcome him back in to our lives with open arms so he could be a father to our kids because every child deserve to have both parents. He eventually keep bringing his emotions into it & playing mind games while I was trying to co parent strictly with him.... lately I been seeing the same pattern he show in our marriage. Constantly lying about stupid stuff, spend his money on drugs & alcohol and buying unnecessary stuff. I been working with him lately on trying to get our daughter back use to him because she haven’t seen him since she was 5 months so every time he comes around she constantly crying, she’s doesn’t like when he touch her or pick her up or anything. She cries the whole visit and as soon as she back in my arms or he leave she stop and goes back to being her happy self. For the last two days after him he came over after one of his binge night of drinking & being high he admitted to me he still love me & etc. I told him we could never be back together & I was moving on with somebody else. He been making excuses about why he couldn’t see his daughter since then. I ask him to buy her diapers & before he could do it he got fire from his job & didn’t want to tell me. His mom in end asking me did I need diapers her friend was giving some away & I told her yes... somehow she end up giving them to her son to give to my daughter since he was suppose to be coming to see her. She had already told me how many packs it will be & etc.... so when he came he basically lied to my face about him buying the diapers & he only had 4 packs with him.... I comforted him about it & told him his mom told me that it was 7 packs in the bag so why was he only bringing 4 packs. He told me he must of lost them inside his house while it was dark since his lights was “cut off”. Which the light part was true but not him losing them he mom told me she saw him take 2 packs out there & if they was missing he must of took them out for his girlfriend son. I’m livid not the fact he took it for her son but the fact he didn’t ask & he wouldn’t even knew about them if it wasn’t for me so why would you take something from your child to give to somebody else child & then lie to my face about it. When he couldn’t lie about it he got mad & left I explain to him why I was upset because he took something from our child & didn’t ask me when he barely help with our child at all. If his girlfriend child needed diapers all he had to do was ask me he tried to make it seem like it was small because my baby have plenty diapers and they was giving to her🙄. Then he proceeded to turn it around to make it seem like I was being difficult & blowing the whole situation out of proportion. He was trying & not to take his daughter away & etc he’s a big narcissist btw so I’m use to him playing the victim when he caught & he can’t lie his way out.... so today I decided to completely cut contact with him... because he is physically & mentally draining me once again.... I was happy & now that he came back it’s constantly stress about him half asses his responsibilities as a father. I told him it like I’m forcing him to be a dad & I don’t like feeling like I’m forcing him because he’s old enough to know how to parent. I shouldn’t be the one to reach out to him always when it comes to our kids.... I cried so bad today after I sent him a text message telling him I couldn’t co parent with him anymore & I was cutting all contact with him until he can be a full time father & focus & get his priorities in order. I felt like I was taking away the little choice of my daughter & son ability to know of him. It’s like I can’t keep putting myself and them through the heart break & disappoint of him by his lack of care & time he put in trying to be a father to them.... I just want to know is I’m wrong for wanting to protect my kids from this & his toxic ways. I definitely see he’s in projecting his trauma & abandonment issues that he dealt with from his parents on our kids and I just can’t stand by and let him continue to do it. I feel like a shitty person for even crying & being hurt by this but if I can’t help to feel bad that I choose this type of person as their father because they so precious & definitely don’t deserve any of this 😢