Just three weeks ago, I found that my husband has been watching porn. What hurt me the most is that when we were engaged, he knew how I was uncomfortable with it and vowed not to engage anymore. But when I caught him in the act one morning (by accident, wasn’t looking) it started to come out. Not all at once but little by little. Turns out, he NEVER stopped. He just lied to my face and I trusted and believed him all this time. Blissfully unaware that he was watching porn, lusting after other women, and jacking off both b4 and after our wedding day. He refused to admit how much he does it so that’s all I’ve got. I’m wondering if I’m loosing it bcuz last night/this morning I had a dream that he was preparing to Jack off to porn right in my face. I protested and said he didn’t care about me but he didn’t care. I did tell him about the dream bcuz he asked if I had a dream (I dream often but lately my rest has been so poor I doubt I even get much REM sleep). Anyway he goes into the bathroom tonight for 30 minutes after he told me he was going to bed. He comes out with a wash cloth. And was acting suspicious and asking ME questions when I’m just in the living room doing prep work for the week. Now I have suspicions. So I find myself trying to find the search history through the wifi router. I found it but it didn’t show the websites just the times and because I did so much searching on HOW to find that, looking at the time stamps I know all the logs were ME☹️. I went so far as to call customer support at 11 something at night to ask how I can view the actual website. The support line is of course outsourced and the connect was poor. The woman could not understand what I was asking for and asked me to call back. I hung up and wan going to call back when I realized 😳 I was doing too much. Spiraling. Not even doing my prep work anymore. Just obsessing over the possibility of him doing it again. I should trust him but the betrayal is still fresh. I trusted him for years and he lied to me for years 😂 so yeah getting back to that part isn’t easy. I’ve been praying and trying not to go crazy or anything. I think it’s lying that is the most damaging 💔