Karma?
So this post will have to do more with religion and spirituality and it might be a lil over the place, but I would definitely appreciate some good advice.
So lately I've been feeling angry. I went thru something traumatic about a year ago where a family member fucked my family over. We were struggling for a while and although we are doing good now, I realize how much hurt and anger I have inside me. It isn't all the time, but sometimes I feel so full of hate and hurt that it makes me wanna cry. The thing is, when I used to live with this person (she's a relative), I always felt powerless because of how she would turn people against me. And when all this stuff was happening, she got a lot of people to turn against us and it made me feel powerless again. I think that's why I hate when I feel scared, cause I remember the times I was afraid and I didn't do anything about it. I'm not gonna go into detail on what she did because we would probably be here a while, but I keep feeling like she got away with it. And it makes me so angry sometimes because it's not fair that we were the ones who had to suffer and she got away with fucking us over. So I spent months in my room in a dark place and now I'm definitely out of it, but I remember how bad it got for me. And I do feel like God got me out of that dark place. And hes blessed us so much honestly. But I still carry so much hurt and I wonder if God will do anything about that person hurting me. I know revenge is bad, but how could God let them get away with this? I know people say karma will come back to them, but I feel like a fool thinking the universe or God will do something about this person, only cause I was too much of a coward to do something myself. And even now when I do try, there's isn't anything that can be done anymore. This person that hurt me, they believe in La Santa. I've heard a lot about her and I don't think she's bad because I know she helps people (However, I praise only one God). And I do know she loves the person who hurt me. I know this person has prayed to her about us. So I just wonder sometimes if La Santa would hurt us for this person, even tho they fucked us over. Sometimes I want to do a piece offering to La Santa cause I don't want her to think I'm against her at all, I am just angry that this person was so malicious towards me. Does La Santa do what is fair?... Anyways when I prayed to God to get me out of that dark place, I also started doing spiritual work. I think I definitely contributed to bettering myself cause I definitely put the work in (and yes, I do know the difference between religion and spirituality). Just lately, I've haven't been praying or doing spiritual work, so I feel Lost. I want to pray to God and I want him to heal me but sometimes I feel hopeless because it feels like he let her get away with hurting my family and I, and that makes me angry. And my anger wants revenge because I don't know what other solution there is. God has blessed me so much, but this situation feels like there's no justice on our side. I know I need to have hope but there is so much hurt inside me and it is hard to hold on to it. I am just lost... I am sorry this is so long but I would appreciate some good advice. And please do not shame me if you do not believe in religion, I think u can give some good advice just by respecting my beliefs.
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