If you have done both, what did you prefer?

I am asking ladies who have done both- stay at home and also have been a working mom. What made you happier?

And I want to make this clear- I am not trying to start a debate as I know both are very hard, just being a mom in general is hard and we deserve all the credit 🥂🍾 this is not to turn other women on each other, if this turns into that I’ll delete the post

This is why I’m asking

I worked when I had my first. I personally felt that being a working mom was harder than staying home. I really struggled with having a 9-5 rushing out of the house in the morning, picking up my son, getting home at 6, cooking dinner, giving him a bath, doing whatever cleaning I could do. I felt like I barely spent time with my baby and I was depressed about it.

I got laid off while on maternity leave with my second and became a stay at home mom. I find it easier like not rushing out of the house in the morning, I can actually keep up with my house work, I do have free time when my kids are napping ( I had no free time when I worked, I know some people do feel working is a break, I personally never felt that way) and I’m able to cook dinner at a reasonable time. Plus of course I am with my babies.

The thing is I really miss working. I miss feeling like I had other responsibilities than just being a mom. I miss getting dressed and doing my makeup for work. I feel very lonely most of the time. Maybe not so much that I miss working, but I miss my coworkers. I don’t know. Being a stay at home mom is depressing at times. I also feel bad that I’m not making money and everything falls on my husband. We are not struggling financially with his income, and we still have enough for savings, home improvements, and our kids 529. But still I feel bad. Also- I honestly feel like I’m not the best mom. In the summer we do a lot of fun things, but during the winter I don’t know what we will do. I feel bad they will be cooped up in the house all the time. I feel like I am doing a disservice to them by keeping them home when they maybe would be happier in daycare with other kids. ( they are 2 and 3)

I think about going back to work often but I struggled so much being a working mom with one I don’t know how I could do it with two. My husband has a very demanding job, he’s the director of cyber security company, so dinner cleaning laundry kid stuff always fell on me. He never picked up our son from daycare when he went. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to help, it was just he works so late. A normal day for him is 7-530, and he will usually log back into work around 8 for an hour or two. And if there’s an incident at work, he will be working all night. I feel like if he worked less and helped with the house more going back to work would be easier. But I know with his job it would be impossible for him.

So ladies who have done both, what did you find to be more of a struggle? I know there are many factors, but I’m curious what other people’s experiences have been, I’m so worried I won’t make the right decision.

Have you gone from staying home to working, or from working to staying home? Have you regretted your decision? Did you ever go back to your original choice? And when you did work, how did you manage the house stuff, especially dinner? I always felt bad giving dinner at 7. Did you cook, did someone else cook, or mostly takeout?