I am finding myself really struggling the last few days. On Sunday (10DPO/4days before AF) I had some bright red spotting for just one bathroom visit as well as some INTENSE breast pain. I got really optimistic but now I am cramping and 2 BFN's later, I am really kicking myself for being so hopeful. It really doesn't help that I am actively planning a baby shower for a coworker/his wife and another co-worker just announced they are expecting too. We used to joke that all 3 of us would be expecting at the same time. When you are going through TTC, I feel like no one prepares you for just how difficult it is mentally. The people in my life I would usually lean on are just not an option for this (My mom, MIL, sister..), they don't know we are trying. I do have some people who know but I feel weird going to them about my struggles/fears. I feel like they either don't understand the struggle or have struggles heavier than my own that make mine feel silly to be venting about in comparison. Examples: -My best friend was NTNP for both her kids. -My cousin has been TTC for 3 years next month and has had 2 losses. -Another friend lost her toddler tragically a few months ago and I just don't want to reopen the fresh wounds for her. -And my other friend who was TTC and knows all the ends and outs of this, lost her husband before they ever conceived. Now my DH is so sweet and tries to be understanding but there is only so much he can really get. I guess all this to say, TTC is hard. It's lonely. Its a silent battle. And I'm scared. I am already struggling this much so early in the journey, how do I continue staying positive if it takes us years too? This just sucks. It fucking sucks.