Dating My Bestfriends Ex

So basically I’ve always been the type to stress that I would never date my friends exes no matter what because hello… girl code??? All my friends knew this was a big rule for me and I expected them to treat me with the same respect (not going after my exes either).

Well me and my bestfriend have been friends for about 11-12 years now but in the past she has gone after my exes (we’re talking highschool) which is why we stopped being friends for about a year or two. We became friends after, but got closer when we were both in college. While we were in college she began talking to this boy we’ll call him X for about 2-3 months. They never actually dated only would talk and hookup because they were both seeing/hooking up with other people during those 2-3 months but they would occasionally have sleepovers and she even considered moving in with X because she was about to loose her current home at the time so she needed somewhere to live asap. They ended up “breaking up” once she got serious with another guy she was hooking up with at the same time she was hooking up with X, she truly liked this other guy and ended up dating him for 3 years after. She would tell me how at the time she didn’t really have that much feelings for X and didn’t care for him much, that he was crazy etc.

Fast forward to 4 years later her and X have become friends again for about a year now, where she introduced me to him as we would all hangout including other people just to drink, etc. My bestfriend and X never hooked up again after their first time talking and just remained friends.

Recently my bestfriend asked me if she could talk and pursue a relationship with a boy I was dating for 2-3 years on and off ( we’ll call him T). This relationship was very toxic to me as he would repeatedly disrespect me verbally and mentally. I almost loved this man and had very strong and real feelings for him, which is why I told her that I do not feel comfortable with her pursuing a relationship with him. She said ok and cut him off.

Fast forward to now I’ve been talking to X for about 9 months now and in the beginning we were just friends as I told him my number 1 rule… I don’t date my friends exes no matter how long they’ve been tg or if they only fucked (so someone they did not date but would hook up with) he was understanding but still wanted us to be together. I eventually started developing feelings for him but I felt it was wrong because I felt like I was betraying my bestfriend… I did not tell her about us talking until she found out about 4-5 months into it and I finally confessed but said we weren’t dating and just talking as friends… I know I shouldn’t have lied but honestly I felt ashamed. Well now our relationship has gotten more serious so I felt the need to message her and tell her that I am developing feelings for him etc but as of right now I am still unsure if I want to date him just because I feel uncomfortable being with someone who was intimate with my bestfriend… she said she is fine with it although she said she “really did like X” (which was weird bc at the time she told me she didn’t care for him much) but that she will never forgive me for not allowing her to talk to T and pursue a relationship with him. She also said she does not want me and X to be around her together because it will be awkward. I told her I understand it was hypocritical of me and I am truly sorry, but that I would never bring X around her when I’m there as well because I agreed it would be awkward. We were fine after this, but last night I had X over at my house (me and my bestfriend are currently roommates but she is mostly at her boyfriends house in a different city an hour away) I didn’t know she would be coming home but she came home and saw us cuddling on the couch watching a movie. She looked upset, said hi to us and that she will be going to her room. She stayed in her room the whole night and didn’t say a word to either of us. I told him to go home and I was going to confront her but was nervous so I just texted her instead apologizing for having him over while she came home and that I didn’t know she would be coming home tonight. She never responded to my text and it’s the next morning now, she still hasn’t come out of her room or talked to me.

My question is… what should I do? I feel like a horrible person but am I truly that much in the wrong? I would love some advice… harsh or not I’ll take it lol 😩 I don’t want to loose my friendship but I also really like X and the feelings are beginning to get deeper.