I think i took things too far

I dont think i love my bf anymore. And now I’m not sure if i ever really loved him. I think we should have just stayed friends. But now we’ve been together 3 years and have 2 kids. In the beginning it was amazing and he made me feel like no one has ever made me feel. I felt like i loved him more than anyone I’ve ever loved before.. then one day i found out he had been texting so many other girls. Sending them nudes and receiving them. He said that was all that happened and he would stop. But i kept finding messages for the next year. Then i found out he cheated which he said was only once but i never believed that i just didn’t have proof of any other time. And since i found out he cheated i just haven’t felt the same. I’ve been trying so hard to make my family work and I’m miserable. Mostly embarrassed because i spoke to highly of him all the time. So I’m not sure if i actually ever loved him or the cheating just changed how i felt about him. Because i literally cringe when he hugs me and tries to kiss me. We haven’t even had sex in months. And we don’t sleep in the same bed. I just don’t like him touching me. I want to leave so bad but I’m a SAHM and have zero money of my own. But when he’s away at work i text him and we laugh and make jokes but when he’s home i get so annoyed the whole time. I’m not in love with him anymore but i love him as the father of my kids and a friend. Also forgot to mention he abused me for over a year but he doesn’t see it that way because he never punched me. Only choked, slapped, headbutt me and busted my lip, put a knife to my throat, dragged me across the floor, took my phone and locked me in the room so i couldn’t call for help and other things. All in front of our oldest. This is not the life i want or i don’t want to set the kind of example for our kids. He hasn’t abused me since November but the other day he started punching walls so I’m afraid he’ll probably start again soon. I want out. I’m exhausted