Been having those not so pleasant flashbacks about my previous misscarriage and planned abortion since my body didn't start cleaning itself out. It has been a year since , pregnant again, 36+6 days.. and been having lower stomach pain and braxton higgs contactions for couple of weeks now.

But I'm terrified of going into labour in hospital due to the last misscarriage and pain I had to endure alone while getting abortion with pills in hospital. Afraid to go through all that again alone. Although I will be having my bf with me, I still feel the pain alone... I hated each second of it last time. I am not sure I can handle it this time. My bf has to leave few hours after ... So I'm left alone...again... I know I should be happy and wanting that baby out already but I don't. I'm so fuc*ing scared... While having abortion I just wanted to die. I'm still not over the first child I might have had... and it has been digging me deeper and deeper each day while getting closer to the due date.

Haven't had a panic nor anxiety attack since last year... Also afraid If having one while in labour.

Trying to hold it together but I'm lost. Cannot talk about it with my midwife nor bf... They don't understand and brush it off like it is nothing. Have no friends to talk about it either...

Anyone else has hed similar experience?

How to reduce the anxiety?

Has anyone had panic attack while in labour and how did you deal or overcome with it?