Early pregnancy and feeling guilty

So I’m four weeks pregnant with the 3rd, this was unplanned, I’d taken the morning after pill but it doesn’t work if you’ve ovulated. The timing isn’t great for us finically but we’ve been blessed with a baby and that’s how I see it.

The problem is my best friend had a still birth 6 months ago and she is really struggling with everything. She’s trying for another baby but it isn’t working out currently, I cannot bring myself to see her, I cannot tell her I’m pregnant because it will break her heart. I feel so unbelievably guilty.

Also, I’m a nurse so work long hours, hubby is a plumbers apprentice. I’ll have to cut my hours down as expecting my father in law to look after three children is a big ask, especially when my eldest will be 4, the middle 2, and the baby will be 10 months with me going back to work l but this will be another financial knock.

Hubby isn’t taking it too well either, we haven’t really discussed it properly because every time we do it ends up in an argument but he’d feel happier if this baby wasn’t happening, or if I stopped it happening, and I feel selfish being pregnant when it’s something he isn’t ready for yet but we’re in this situation. He doesn’t want anyone to know yet, which is fine and I agree with as my sister in law is due next month so we said we’d keep it quiet until after the baby is born, but it’s my sister 21st weekend away this weekend and we’re going to a spa hotel but hubby wants me to drink so nobody guesses because he just doesn’t want anyone to know yet, but obviously I don’t want too but my mum will guess instantly if I don’t have that bubbly.

I’ve also booked a trip away next year with the girls for us all turning 30 and I know this news isn’t going to go down well at all.

I’m completely in turmoil with how I feel and just feel like this effects everyone around me so much and feel quite alone in handling all this.

I’m on nights so no chance of speaking to hubby before the spa hotel. I don’t know what I’m expecting from you all as I don’t think there is a magic wand but I’m not sure where else to turn right now.